I have been informed by Drongo Bum that I had redundant elements in almost every one of these. Ignore the strange Unknown watermarks.  Seperate subject.

http://desmond-otoole.co.uk/SceeneStepOutline.jpg

I thought this was the correct format for a header. I have put scene numbers in TEMPERY for my benifit and (Sunday) also for the same reason. These would be removed before sending out.

This is just FDs card index view also for my own benifit.

With script elements, I like to use as few words as I can and still make sense. Every character adds up.

Also, being asked to read the same thing twice or more when it isn't necessary annoys a lot of readers.

Twice as more? This is just an atmpt by me to use a card index THAT IS ALL. The only reason for the post in the first place was the strange watermarks. This post had nothing to do with any script content. My original post here was ONLY about the watermarks.

But if someone here wants to tell me that my slug lines are wrong? That needs exlpaining dosn't it???
Please Please plwease tell me what is wrong with the header ignoring scene numbers and (Sunday)

Explaining: Molly is a mother. She owns a house. She has a son SIMON. There is more than one bed in the house. Moly has a bedroom, her son has a bedroom so I see it as

INT. MOLLIE'S HOUSE -SIMONS BEDROOM - DAY
This has redundant elements in the header/slugline

'Sunday' would never go in a scene header, (days/dates - superimpose) and repeating what's in the scene header in your description line, not the way to go either. That's basic stuff. Same with numbering scenes.

DB gave you a perfect example (in the other thread) of how it can read so much more fluidly. Take his advice.

Quoted from Desmond56 Twice as more? This is just an atmpt by me to use a card index THAT IS ALL. The only reason for the post in the first place was the strange watermarks. This post had nothing to do with any script content. My original post here was ONLY about the watermarks. But if someone here wants to tell me that my slug lines are wrong? That needs exlpaining dosn't it??? Please Please plwease tell me what is wrong with the header ignoring scene numbers and (Sunday) Explaining: Molly is a mother. She owns a house. She has a son SIMON. There is more than one bed in the house. Moly has a bedroom, her son has a bedroom so I see it as INT. MOLLIE'S HOUSE -SIMONS BEDROOM - DAY This has redundant elements in the header/slugline

You established the location with your scene heading -- SIMON'S BEDROOM -- but then you repeated it in the action line that followed. This is redundant and therefore a waste of words and characters. Not only that but the redundancy reads a little clunky.

Quoted Text SCENE HEADING: WHERE - WHEN What what what what what what what what what what what what what.

As said above Scene numbers Tempory
(Sunday) Tempory
DB gave you a perfect example (in the other thread) . No he did not he only said redundant elements.If he had said redundant elements are scene numbers and (Sunday) that would have been better. BUT MY POST was about PRINTING. and printing ONLY.

This thread is now closed as it is more like mony pythons flying circus room for an argument.
If I ask what does 2 * 5 = I get the reply Apples are not like oranges.

The 'Argument Room' is a classic.

Call it 'temporary' but it's not a good look.

DB did give you an example. Unfortunately you're not that thrilled with taking constructive criticism. Which is a shame. Over and out.

Quoted from Desmond56 DB gave you a perfect example (in the other thread) . No he did not he only said redundant elements.If he had said redundant elements are scene numbers and (Sunday) that would have been better.

I bolded the redundant elements ("Simon's bedroom" etc.)

Quoted Text BUT MY POST was about PRINTING. and printing ONLY.

True, but that doesn't mean we can't discuss anything else.

Quoted Text This thread is now closed as it is more like mony pythons flying circus room for an argument. If I ask what does 2 * 5 = I get the reply Apples are not like oranges.

Twice I explained that I couldn't answer your question, and I apologized for that. Then I offered a suggestion about the redundancy in your scene elements.

Okay. What part of a NEW script that has never been posted here before have you alread seen? Posh Frokes is a NEW script. Yet

Drongo Bum states
"You established the location with your scene heading -- SIMON'S BEDROOM -- but then you repeated it in the action line that followed. This is redundant and therefore a waste of words and characters. Not only that but the redundancy reads a little clunky."

NO I HAVE NOT Read and learn.
INT. MOLLIE'S HOME - SIMON’S BEDROOM - DAY (SUNDAY)

{The action line}
The bedroom is very boyish with posters of Leeds football club. The room is reasonably tidy with Xbox gaming stuff on the floor. The curtains are drawn and the daylight lights up the room.

Tell me where I say Simons bedroom again after the header. YOU CAN'T

And he syas
the redundant elements ("Simon's bedroom" etc.)
Does me mean reducing the header slug line to read
MOLLIE'S HOME - DAY and leave out Simons bedroom.
I have not repeated Simons bedroom in the text anywhere. PLEASE  PLEASE  PLEASE  tell me where I have repeates SIMONS BEDROOM!

Come on Drungo Bum Find SIMONS BEDROOM in this

{The action line}
The bedroom is very boyish with posters of Leeds football club. The room is reasonably tidy with Xbox gaming stuff on the floor. The curtains are drawn and the daylight lights up the room.

Maybe the Administrator LC here can find SIMONS BEDROOM.

Is he moaning about the word room. Would he be happy with

It is reasonably tidy with Xbox gaming stuff on the floor. The curtains are drawn and the daylight lights up the *$**$.
Sounds like LC just wants to back him up.

Quoted from Drongo Bum You established the location with your scene heading -- SIMON'S BEDROOM -- but then you repeated it in the action line that followed. This is redundant and therefore a waste of words and characters. Not only that but the redundancy reads a little clunky.

WHERE?

Quoted Text ...SIMON’S BEDROOM - DAY The bedroom is....

This is hilarious.

Zack is back!

Quoted from Drongo Bum Zack is back!

I never wander too far.  

INT. MOLLIE'S HOME - SIMON’S BEDROOM - DAY

Posters of Leeds football club adorn the walls. Xbox controllers lie on the floor. Daylight creeps in from the edges of the drawn curtains.


This is how I would write this opening while avoiding saying "bedroom" twice.

Exactly.

It's all about understanding the purpose and function of the different elements.

Yes Zack. I doubt any of these including LC has ever produced anything. Not with his eye sight.

By redundancy, DB means repeated words:

INT. MOLLIE'S HOME - SIMON'S BEDROOM - DAY (SUNDAY)
The bedroom is very boyish with posters of Leeds football club. The room in reasonably tidy.

Would just be:

INT. MOLLIE'S HOME - SIMON'S BEDROOM - DAY (SUNDAY)
Very boyish, posters of Leeds football club. One might call it reasonably tidy... at least for a teenage boy.

INT. POSH FROCKS FACTORY - FACTORY FLOOR - DAY (MONDAY)
The factory has rows of tables with sewing machines. Behind is a room with a door and glass.

INT. POSH FROCKS FACTORY - SEWING FLOOR - DAY (MONDAY)
Behind the rows of tables with sewing machines, a DOOR.

Do you understand?

Quoted from Desmond56 Yes Zack. I doubt any of these including LC has ever produced anything. Not with his eye sight.

Is English your first language?

Quoted from Desmond56 I doubt any of these including LC has ever produced anything.

It just stands to reason.

Hey, out of idle curiosity, have you ever read any screenplays besides your own?

Quoted from Desmond56 Yes Zack. I doubt any of these including LC has ever produced anything. Not with his eye sight.

LC's a chick, so...

Quoted from Zack LC's a chick, so...

The thing that makes me laugh the most is the fact this is basically every thread at r/Screenwriting.

        

Quoted from Drongo Bum The thing that makes me laugh the most is the fact this is basically every thread at r/Screenwriting.

Yeah, I can't for the life of me fathom why people want to defend, deflect, and do anything to win an argument, instead of take on or at least consider advice being given.

Quoted from LC Yeah, I can't for the life of me fathom why people want to defend, deflect, and do anything to win an argument, instead of take on or at least consider advice being given.

Don't tell me what to do, LC!

You're not the boss of me!

Walks into thread

sighs

Walks back out

Wait!

PULLS PANTS UP.

Matt! Come back!

Quoted from Zack Wait! PULLS PANTS UP. Matt! Come back!

Just for you zack