Travelling Back to the Old West: A Timeless Crossing by Bruce Thomas  - Short, Western - Two history buffs are co-authoring a book about the Old West. Their publisher has given them a deadline upon which a final manuscript is due. In order to hasten the writing process, the two men decide to charter a train that will take them to all the historic towns reminiscent of the Wild West. They want a glimpse of what life was like back around 1850 or so. As they travel, interesting re-enactments take place that match authenticated accounts of various gunslingers. Their journey is filled with excitement yet enigmatic circumstances cause the two men to return home. To their surprise, a stunning development has occurred. 30 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Dear Bruce,
I'd start with "they need a finished copy in 6 weeks." keep the dialogue tight as to what we need. The following is a bit of an info dump of backstory. If we have to realise all this feed it in where appropriate. Is the booking and price essential?
It is essential to hold, intrigue, tempt the reader/viewer, not give then any excuse to look away. Lost in all this a) the trips on b) time deadline c) other options to follow.
By page 9 the dialogue should support the action. You are using it as exposition - great chunks of it. In this formatting, it's a mash up of a history lesson and documentary. It has to decide which it wants to be.
Deviation from the standard rules of formatting also ensures that this will not be at the top of the reading list.
Best JtF