The Disguised Billionaire by Ahmad Jaribu Said - Thriller - After a tragic plane crash leaves a stranger assuming his identity, Adrian Rothschild-Montague, the estranged heir to a powerful family empire, returns to uncover the truth behind his mother’s death, his father’s strange sickness, and a web of betrayal orchestrated by those closest to him—all while reclaiming his rightful place and exposing the sinister conspiracies threatening the Montague legacy. 117 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

Dear Ahmad,
Crikey! I'm on page ten and EVERY dialogue tag has a parenthetical - this makes for such cluttered reading.. . .
This sort of stuff - God's view - we cannot know unless you show us
His mind is foggy, but there's
an overwhelming sense of disbelief. He doesn't know what
happened, only that he’s somehow alive, and in a place that
feels... different.
Work out what each scene needs and pare back; both the camera directions and dialogue. Read as many other SP's as you can for guidance.
Alas I bailed at page 15 . . .  JtF