Joker 2: The Show Killer by Ckris K. Near - Thriller, Suspense - It's 1983. November to be exact. Gotham City is unleashed waiting for the Arthur Fleck Case. Some defend those murdered on the subway, Murray Franklin, Randall...  There are still people causing chaos with their clown masks, makeup, suits like the Joker. Trying to leave the rich at the bottom of Gotham, making them get what they deserve.  Snow all over the streets of Gotham, cold, rain. Homeless sleeping in alleys, some make bonfires under the bridges.     We will see a very different Arthur from the first version. A more depressed and tired Arthur with everyday life in prison. Think about taking him life. No matter how much people idolize him out there, he can't see what's out there. What awaits him? 79 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I did not see the original Joker. I’m not into the comic superhero genre in general so I went into this somewhat blind. I downloaded and skimmed through the script for the original film so that I could be familiar with the preceding story. I think you did a good job portraying Arthur Fleck and captured the mood of the original story. He is more depressed and tired from the original (like you said) and you do a good job of showing us why. Harley Quinn also seems consistent with other works where I have seen her. There is plenty of comic action and for a while you managed to keep me interested. At around page 35, the issues became a bit too much and the reading became slow and difficult. It could still be a good screenplay but it needs a lot of work.

Now for the issues:

You should look into getting screenwriting software. There are packages available at a variety of prices including FREE. It will solve a lot of your problems with format. The first format issue is that your page numbering is wrong. If you want to continue to use Microsoft Word, you need to suppress numbering on the title page and the first page. If you are going to have an intro passage like you do (and I’ll mention problems with that later), it should be suppressed on that as well. Page one is also suppressed. Page numbers begin on the second page of your screenplay and is numbered as page 2. In this screenplay, page two begins with Paddy’s dialog, “don’t even tell me.�
The other problem is that your margin setting for dialog is wrong. It needs to be moved a half of an inch to the right.

After your title page you have a foreword about the screenplay. The original script has one as well so I can see why you did it. In the original, it was necessary to describe the setting because it takes place in the past. You manage to make it work for your script but that is highly unusual to do this. I recommend that you don’t write a foreword in other work. I also suggest that you should remove it from this.

I get the impression that English is not your first language and that this may have been translated with an AI package of some kind. I am taking a chance that you will be able to read this. One of the giveaways is that your page size is not exactly 8.5�x11�. Another giveaway is that your pronouns are mixed up in a number of places. The problem becomes severe after page 34 and makes the story hard to follow. I don’t know how you fix that other than to get someone to help you with the translation, or if you are fluent in English, proofreading thoroughly.

Another problem is that Gotham City is traditionally based on New York City in everything that I have seen in in the DC comics universe. Your portrayal of Blackgate Jail is rather brutal for a New York City prison. You get a pass on that since this is in a DC comic universe. Just be aware that it borders on being unreal for an American audience. I was impressed that you had a bridge to the prison. (New York City's prison, Riker's Island, has a bridge to it. I don't know if you knew that, but it impressed me, nonetheless.)  A bigger thing to fix is that the judge would be addressed as “Your Honorâ€� in American courts, not as, “Your Lordshipâ€�. I checked the original script to make sure that “Your Lordshipâ€� was not used and it isn’t. It’s possible that there are no court scenes in it.

You only need to capitalize a character when they are first introduced. After that, you don’t need to write them in ALL CAPS.

One last issue that I will mention is that your log line is a little long. It should only be a couple of sentences. It ‘s not a simple thing to do and can take a bit of work. There is a thread on this on the message board where people may help.

There are other problems in addition to this but I think you have enough to fix for the moment. This looks like it could be a nice project. You did a good job of further humanizing a rather sick villain, picking up where the original Joker left off.
Good luck with this.