Your thoughts suggestions please.
Blowing away the dust, I've raised this from the dead and the rewrite is a work in progress.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17_7P1Hpx4ZiU67CaY4bFeGq0kj3VYDI2/view

JtF, do you have a link to the WIP?

Apologies the submit button was closed.
Having brute forced google docs (it doesn't play well with 32bit Linux) here's the link

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17_7P1Hpx4ZiU67CaY4bFeGq0kj3VYDI2/view?usp=sharing

all best
JtF

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Its gonna be one of those days!!

new link added above ^^

Quoted from JtF Your thoughts suggestions please. Blowing away the dust, I've raised this from the dead and the rewrite is a work in progress.

The formatting needs a little work, along with a pass for typos, etc. (e.g. "heckles" should be "hackles").

I liked it, Gina was intriguing from the get-go. We know she's a killer from your log line but I was hooked on how she would go about her killing - or what exactly was she?

On that point, I'm not entirely sure - a vampire, a witch?

Maybe the fun is in the ambiguity.

I think I would've liked a little hint on what wrongs Marat had done as his death is quite severe - loved your descriptions during that sequence - snap, crackle and pop!

Dear Drongo,

Great catch! I thank you.

Dear ColinS,

I Thank you. Gina  might be a bit of . . . both?!

For the (rewritten) teaser, the action is speeded up for pace and drama. It's linear, which the main SP isn't.
Hope to post Act 1 soon.
Getting back into the writerly saddle after quite a break (busy career got in the way) I am greatly enjoying re-learning this craft whilst reading the hidden gems on here. The talent exists at all levels, as my prose background jumps in to say, "You can't edit an empty page!"
Best - JtF

I Thank you. Gina  might be a bit of . . . both?!

you don't know? YOU WROTE IT!

TITLE PAGE

title page is garbage:
mixed font sizes
remove all the shit from it, and only have this:
screenplay title
written by
your email
your phone number

PAGE 1
After FADE IN, you have the script text justified to the right

A bouncer consults his guest list is, is missing a FULL STOP

Dialogue missing a full stop:
I’m Gina. Carmen can’t make it –
she’s at the clap clinic

Remove (TO CAMERA)

I’m a present for Marat, missing a full stop

He moves towards her appraising –

THEN THERES A LOT OF WHITE SPACE

GINA
Where’s the VIP room?

Thats just 2 pages, I can't go on, it's painful.

Why is this only 9 pages? Is it a short?
My advice, Google "how to write a screenplay"
learn
Then Google "How to format a screenplay"
learn more

Marty, wtf!

Change your attitude to giving reviews. Be polite and constructive. Remove the deliberately provocative and offensive stuff.

This is a Work in progress which is why it's the page count it is.
Can't you read? (See, this would be the rude response).

Quoted from LC Marty, wtf! Change your attitude to giving reviews. Be polite and constructive. Remove the deliberately provocative and offensive stuff. This is a Work in progress which is why it's the page count it is. Can't you read? (See, this would be the rude response).

Gone.

JTF,
Your work was easy to read. Clean and proper pacing.

It is not the genre I like but I wanted to congratulate you for the work.

Dear Miranda,
to a writer, holding the attention of a reader within an unfamiliar genre, who then comments that it "was easy to read" is high praise.
Many thanks JtF

GINA (TO CAMERA)
GINA (SHOUTING NOW)
GINA (SHOUTING)
GINA (SMILES)
GINA (WHISPERING) etc.

These are parentheses but they are formatted as extensions.

This video will be helpful.

https://youtu.be/_2uZ7IabVOM?si=qOE7XscS5S6TCT-k