The feature rewrite has been a long time coming. Your comments please.
This is Act 1 into Act 2 the Sky Lab pool scene

All best -
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nGfVnWbHcszauMHLT1OD0aWteSqpja61/view?usp=sharing

Hi. Is this similar tech to A.C. Clark's space elevator, a la Fountains of Paradise? (That's a great book.)

I have a few minor quibbles with your screenplay, but I'll hold off commenting until I get a chance to read the whole thing.

I read the first 23 pages. I thought this started out fine. I was thinking it would be a sci-fi thriller of some sort. I liked where the story seemed to be going, but as it went along, I found myself losing some of that interest. Some of it was confusion and some of it was just a little too unserious. I enjoyed the technical stuff and the space elevator and I believed it all. That’s a great thing when you write sci-fi, but then some things completely lost me. Manatees in space? Why? Poor animals was all I could think. Space mall? Really? This is supposed to be in the future; shopping malls are disappearing, and I can’t see them becoming popular again. Maybe make it a little more futuristic with maybe a personal AI robot that take care of all that for you? But, even so, that little shopping trip, whether it is at a mall or handled by an AI personal assistant, slowed the story down.  Same thing with the concert and club visit. Then the waterbed. I really cannot see those making a comeback. The worst beds ever.  

What I would have liked to see is more of the sci-fi and tech stuff. Also, more descriptions, because I often had a hard time picturing these places. I’m sure you can see it in your head, but for me as the reader, I was often confused.

In short, I liked that it started out as a sci-fi thriller. Improve descriptions so we can better picture this. Cut out stuff that doesn’t move the story forward.

I hope any of this can be of help, but I’m not a pro so take these comments with a grain of salt.

Many thanks for the crit. The original SP (from about 2002) was far too full of techno stuff. I used to avidly read Scientific American to get ahead of the curve (the lift is possible but the mass involved needed a wire 16 miles wide!) so the rewrite became more of a Steampunk alternate future.
The scenes you didn't like are supposed to show underlying plots/ character arcs with Fiona - who lives to work and doesn't like interacting with anyone - warming to her brother's girlfriend Gina. (She later let's Gina hug her)
As Fiona is so manic, the calmest animals I could think of to keep her company was a pair of Manatees - the absurdity of this in space . . .
I've almost completed Act 2 linking the uploaded pieces, so will then scan the entirity for pacing and line edits.
many thanks - all best JtF

I agree with Grandma Bear. You need to cut down your descriptions a little bit. Your style reads as clunky and cluttered. Even just right off the bat: "A multitude of guy ropes strung with colored triangular flags THWAP and HUM," My general rule of thumb is to use simpler words and structure whenever possible. You do that, you have clarity, brevity, precision—arguably the key elements of scriptwriting. Use verbs and adjectives that pack a punch! By punch, I mean concise, compact, cohesive. Never choose words for the sake of sophistication. Not saying that you intentionally or consciously did that here, it just reads that way.

Some of your dialogue can be a bit on-the-nose. For example, "It turns into a Squidsuit once it touches your skin. My sister Fiona designed it." You could get away with, "My sister designed it." Or "Fiona designed it." And then go into the "By the way, when you meet her..." I just think you can fully utilize "Show" instead of "Tell," if you avoid Alex blatantly calling Fiona his sister and revealing it through the environment. Maybe she has a nameplate on her desk.

I love this: "Gina jumps - then SQUEALS. The suit goes Iron Man and flies her down at high speed, just feet from the sheer mountainside." More of this.

I would say avoid including music tracks, but I'm not a stickler for the rules either.

This line reminds me of the Expanse: "This is the business end of the Sky Lift - a massive asteroid tethered by a taut black cable down to the Earth."

We’re peering into the business end of--
THE CANTERBURY FREIGHTER

Again, you could tighten up your dialogue a little bit. Looking at the first INT. ALEX'S OFFICE - DAY scene. Is his office in space? If so, I would change the DAY to SPACE. Also on the nitpicky side, why "This curt summons seeps in..." and not "It sinks in..." Simplicity is key! I repeat this to myself when I get the urge to purple-prose.

Remember to capitalize speaking-character names when introducing them for the first time. In this case, the PRESIDENT. At this point, story-wise, I just don't see any justifiable reason for the President to be so curt and temperamental. Was it not implied that the Commissar could be controlling operations from behind-the-scenes? Why does he come off as just another "big-bad?"

Nitpicky, why pensive? "Gina smiles slightly. Then pensive--" Pensive usually implies deep, serious thought. Again, back to making strong choices in verbs and adjectives.

You jump around a lot, which further muddles and buries the story.

If this is just Act 1, it feels too long. The first act should set the story in motion. Right now, I’m not quite clear on that, on the story. I have no idea what your script is about. It might be helpful to study story structure—not to rigidly follow formulas, but to get a sense of how to streamline scenes and keep the story moving forward. Right now, a lot of the scenes stall the action instead of advancing the plot.

You need to tighten up your main characters and your plot. There are so many different storylines happening in a short span that it’s hard to tell which ones are relevant to the main narrative.

Anyway, general impression: just so confused. A lot of wasted time, wasted words, wasted pages. You need to tighten this up, really cut this down to find the story underneath.

Dear Jaden,
re the opening shot I was going for a mountaintop construction site version of this -
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61Qr820804L._AC_SX425_.jpg

As to the storylines the main conflict is between Alex and the World Senate (who lie) and their interactions with the fanatical Amen-Ra cultists (who are made to take the blame)
Now back at home I will review the complete work.
many thanks -JtF