Hi, my name is Scott. I wrote a screenplay based on a book I wrote two years ago called "70x7: Forgiving Your Abusers".   I received wonderful responses from people who read my book, who said it really helped them find peace through the power of forgiveness.

I was a victim of long-term child abuse (physical, mental, and sexual) and struggled as a Christian with how to forgive the two abusers I had in my family.

I feel the screenplay I just wrote will reach a wider audience and will be able to help more people discover their own peace after abuse.

Here is my LOGLINE:

A man haunted by childhood abuse embarks
on a journey to forgive the unforgivable.

I'm looking for some thoughts about this.

Hi Scott and welcome!  I’m a stickler for loglines and yours is a good one that hits all the marks and should pique interest for your work.   I look forward to reading your script if you opt to post it here.

Best,

Kathy

Hi Scott, I amended your title based on the info supplied. If you want the working title changed again just let me know.

Re your logline I'm curious what 7x70 means and if it has extra meaning to your story and if it would add to your logline.

At the moment what you have reads fine - it does the job, but (and not meaning to be indelicate here) is there something unique about your story, the setting, the characters, the situation, that is uniquely yours. All of these films are about abuse, but all quite different:

Mommie Dearest
Running with Scissors
Big Boys Don't Cry
Radio Flyer
Bastard out of Carolina

You're selling a story but also a film - is it a self-help documentary style film about your life, or is it a dramatised account? I would want some special sauce added to what exists at the moment.

Edit: I see now that 7x70 refers to Matthew 18:21-22. And that you wrote your book from a unique perspective which I think should go in your logline. Jmho.

Thank you, LC. The title change is just fine.

My screenplay is a dramatization of my life, a victim of long-term physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse by two abusers in my family, my mother and my sister.  Once I became a Christian, I really struggled with the biblical teaching on forgiveness, and didn't know how to forgive the two people who hurt me the most.

My screenplay is about that abuse and my journey through healing, and finally confronting my two abusers, and what happened as a result of that. I finally found my peace, and I wrote about it, for others who might be searching for the same thing.

Think Mommie Dearest, with a message of hope and healing.

How about: The true story of a man haunted by childhood abuse embarks
on an emotional journey to forgive the unforgivable.

Ahoy OneWayFilms --

A couple of suggestions to help you fine tune your log. Of course, salt to your own taste...

"The true story of a man who, after decades of silence, returns to face his abuser—and discovers that healing sometimes begins where pain once ruled..". or something like that"

Or perhaps...

"When a man scarred by childhood abuse sets out to confront the parent who broke him, he must find the strength to forgive—or risk being consumed by the past forever..."

Spitballin' here.

Anywaz, hope this helps. _ghostie gal

Quoted Text The true story of a man haunted by childhood abuse embarks on an emotional journey to forgive the unforgivable.

I'm not trying to be snarky - I promise. But this ain't ready.

I'm certain that it is the most important journey of your life.... But in selling a script, that isn't enough. This is how it would land in the pitch room.

It's a story about a man who was abused as a kid by those he trusted most.

And....?

He had to find a way to forgive them.


And...?

He did....

That will land with a thud. Your logline might perfectly describe the gist of your story. And it may be the most poignant script ever written - but that really isn't the heavy lifting the logline is for.

It's for selling the script. In the old TV guide days, it's the 25 words that would drive you to watch something versus something else.

So - what are the unique attractors in your story versus the long list of other abuse stories. From my read of the thread:

- A male abused by two females (mother and sister) - not sure I have seen that before.

- A man who's final adoption of a recently found faith in Christianity depends on finding the ability to forgive past sins.

Those are the two angles that should be mentioned in the logline somehow.  

Quoted from eldave1 I'm not trying to be snarky - I promise. But this ain't ready. I'm certain that it is the most important journey of your life.... But in selling a script, that isn't enough. This is how it would land in the pitch room. It's a story about a man who was abused as a kid by those he trusted most. And....? He had to find a way to forgive them. And...? He did.... That will land with a thud. Your logline might perfectly describe the gist of your story. And it may be the most poignant script ever written - but that really isn't the heavy lifting the logline is for. It's for selling the script. In the old TV guide days, it's the 25 words that would drive you to watch something versus something else. So - what are the unique attractors in your story versus the long list of other abuse stories. From my read of the thread: - A male abused by two females (mother and sister) - not sure I have seen that before. - A man who's final adoption of a recently found faith in Christianity depends on finding the ability to forgive past sins. Those are the two angles that should be mentioned in the logline somehow.

Dave said it better than my attempt.  

So, tweak one of these:

A minister, scarred by years of abuse at the hands of his mother and sister, has his faith put to the ultimate test when he embarks on a journey to forgive the unforgivable, as his faith and his past collide.

Scarred by years of abuse perpetrated by his mother and his sister, a Minister embarks on a (spiritual) journey to right (confront) the wrongs of the past through the ultimate test of his faith, forgiveness.

A Minister of religion has his faith put to the ultimate test when he embarks on a journey to forgive those who abused him as a child.

After enduring horrific abuse from his mother and sister, a devout minister faces the ultimate test of his faith: a journey into his traumatic past to confront his abusers—and discover if he can truly forgive.

David said it so well.

A minister scarred by mother and siblings is a good beginning. But the second act - forgiveness - doesn't do it for me. Maybe he does something to revenge only to see that it's not the way? How does he forgive? if he's trying to forgive for two thirds of the story - then the story is too simple I'd say. I'm sure you have more in there.

A minister, scarred by years of abuse at the hands of his mother and sister, has his faith put to the ultimate test when he embarks on a journey to forgive the unforgivable, as his faith and his past collide.
I noticed you used this one, for now at least, and I notice I used the word 'faith' twice, so I'd revamp that to avoid repetition to something like:

A minister, scarred by years of abuse at the hands of his mother and sister, has his religious beliefs/ideals put to the ultimate test when he embarks on a journey to forgive the unforgivable, as his faith and his past collide.

It's not perfect and I'd probably tweak it more, but it definitely presents more of a story than the original too simplified version.

Quoted from LC A minister, scarred by years of abuse at the hands of his mother and sister, has his faith put to the ultimate test when he embarks on a journey to forgive the unforgivable, as his faith and his past collide. I noticed you used this one, for now at least, and I notice I used the word 'faith' twice, so I'd revamp that to avoid repetition to something like: A minister, scarred by years of abuse at the hands of his mother and sister, has his religious beliefs/ideals put to the ultimate test when he embarks on a journey to forgive the unforgivable, as his faith and his past collide. It's not perfect and I'd probably tweak it more, but it definitely presents more of a story than the original too simplified version.

Much better, IMO

Quoted from khamanna David said it so well. A minister scarred by mother and siblings is a good beginning. But the second act - forgiveness - doesn't do it for me. Maybe he does something to revenge only to see that it's not the way? How does he forgive? if he's trying to forgive for two thirds of the story - then the story is too simple I'd say. I'm sure you have more in there.

Good recommendation