Moments by Anthony Royle - Drama - A sweet drama/comedy about a mother and daughters relationship after the parents split when the mother is caught cheating. - html* format.

I don't know... I felt a real detachment from this.

Before I could fully relate to Emily, this was over.  It's like you moved too fast and thus sold your characters short.  You wanted to put so much into this that you lost the most emotional moments because you transitioned somewhere else and then somewhere else.  Thus resulting in my detachment.

You didn't need the initial scene with her on the beach to be as long as it was.  You risk losing your audience because not much is occurring then.  I would even suggest starting in the café, actually.  Introduce Sam then, bringing their espressos or checking to see if they're alright.  Then we know who Sam is right off the bat.  Where he stands now, he's just in the way of the main story.  I didn't care too much about him.

Getting to the action quickly is key in a short.  And don't dwell on him throughout, kind of call attention to him after the fact.  When there's a sort of lull in the conversation, Allison could call attention to him.  And Emily's self conscious.  Their main concern should be family related. 

Thought the "lesbian" references were a little out of place.   

I'll be honest with you, though.  Your scenes were all over the map.  I couldn't determine where I was at any given time or even why I was there.  You really didn't need that many flashbacks, if any at all.  Seriously, it felt most powerful when the mother and daughter were in the café.  It would have been nice to just hear them reflecting about what occurred in Emily's past and then maybe she drifts away while she's looking at her own reflection in the window, and you could have had Emily call her mother on the fact that she saw her cheating with another man.  Even then if you really wanted you could do the flashback there.  But only that one.

The ending felt odd and rushed as well.

These are just my opinions though.  I think you have a decent premise, just the execution felt jumpy.

-L.   

I kinda liked it. A soft story. I thought the reflections went well. Maybe another one to bring out more of Emilies character, more of a reason than just the dress to forgive her mom. I also thought the ending was a bit rushed, it could have been stronger. I didn't think the "lesbian" references were out of place. It helped show the growing alienation between the mother and Emily. As the daughter was more conservative and the mother was more loose.

Yeah maybe the ending was a little rushed. the thing is the scripts I posted (Moments, Full Leaded Pants, PS..., Vanilla Sky 2) are all shorts and meant to be shorts. i put them in the wrong catergory- I didn't see the short section I just thought it was genre's so I put them in comedy and drama but they're for feature films. Short films have their own problems like it's hard to get close to the characters in a short time. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for commenting. Do you have any ideas on how I could improve the ending? I thought the dress was a remider of a moment and a representation of a bond they once had. 

I think you make the meaning of the dress clear enough. But that moment on the beach is supposed to be the climax and it happens too fast. You should lenghten it more. Maybe have the mother babble more to show shes sincere. Then have Emily talk some more after the gift. Or connect the fact that they are on the beach now to the very beggining. For something that is the culmination of most of the script it happens too quickly. Any way those are suggestions, your right it is short so you only have so much time.

Two flashbacks in then same scene are - my opinion- 1 too many.

I know you are trying to take Emily from child to adult quickly, but beaking, then flashing back again didn't work for me.

This IS a short one