The Abandoned by Ricky Hawthorne - Drama - A doomed menage a trois of three rustic French teenagers straddle the carnage of WWI. 129 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This is sort of a mixed bag for me.

The writing is really good, flowed well enough. Although there are moments in this screenplay where the dialogue seems to go on and on. Jean's and Marie-Louise's first bit of dialogue goes on for a 8 pages, there's a lot of dialogue here but I think only half is really needed. Maybe think about trimming this up?

The story itself started off good, was shaping up to be an interesting drama and when Jean's cousin Henri get thrown into the mix things really started to get interesting, but by the time I got to the end I didn't care for any of them, maybe even disliked them. They didn't seem to change at all in the end. Then again you did day they were a doomed menage a trois.

Anyways, it was a decent story nonetheless.