Homecoming by Warren Duncan (Warren) writing as Anon - Short, Drama - A woman visits her childhood home so that she can finally put her traumatic past behind her.  - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

...harsh, realistic, and emotionally stirring estranged relationship...

Nailed it.

Nice use of flashback and pre-lap. It all made sense and was well written. Nothing much else to say but good work, writer.

I liked this. The usage of flashbacks to build the importance/connection of the present with a painful story working toward acceptance. Excellent job.

Really good, well written, believable, great effort.

Not entirely sure re the 3rd variable, Jackson?

Uh, don't pop the bubbly just yet, mister, or ma'am.  :)

Well OK, I'm finding it hard to critique this. Not much wrong with it. You handled the flashbacks rather nicely. Lovely story, I think you may have hit it out the ballpark. So forgive me for the lame ass feedback. One of my favs. Best of Irish luck! :)-A

Okay, I think I'll come back and read this again, cause all the pre-laps and flashbacks are taking me out of the story.

You went above character count too - I don't think you needed the Driver, did you? Just have her get in the car and it drive off would do it. Husband doesn't have a speaking role, so technically that's okay.

It's a good premise but I'm just not as emotionally invested as I think I could be.
Hit and miss for me but I think this is down to preferred structure.

I think Fran is an effectively nasty character. Her comments to Jolene are devastating.

I confess that I don't know what a Pre-lap is.

The speech that Jolene gives to her mother at the end is clear, but I feel like it could use a little more zing--something more piercing. Maybe she could tell her mom that Jackson would have deserted her too. Something like that.

Quoted from Rob I think Fran is an effectively nasty character. Her comments to Jolene are devastating. I confess that I don't know what a Pre-lap is. The speech that Jolene gives to her mother at the end is clear, but I feel like it could use a little more zing--something more piercing. Maybe she could tell her mom that Jackson would have deserted her too. Something like that.

Prelap
Screenwriting term
Prelap is a screenwriting term that means the dialogue from the next scene precedes the cut, and the beginning of the dialogue is heard in the outgoing scene. As an example: ADRIAN (V.O., PRELAP) Peter? Peter, where are you? EXT. THE WOODS – DAY Adrian is out looking for Peter.

I never use it. LOL

Last one for me... and, wow... the last couple of scripts have been my favorites, this one included.

This was well done and quite emotional. Not much to say except, "Good job."

The story is really good. Nice use of flashbacks as well. Definitely a nasty estrangement present here.  

But the ending... Yes, the ending. Sadly, it didn't feel effective to me. It lacked the impact relative to the build-up, imho.  

Good luck.

Thanks for getting this up, Don.