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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Dramedy Scripts / Reed
Posted by: Don, January 29th, 2023, 11:48am
Reed by Devn - Short, Dramedy - A man is confronted with his fear of reading outloud, when his conscience appears to visualize his anxiety until finally, he needs to make a choice, succumb to the pressure or find a way through the anxiety. 8 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Pleb, January 29th, 2023, 1:47pm; Reply: 1
Hey Devn,
I’ll cut to the chase. I have no idea what you were aiming for as it’s such a confusing read. You introduced 7 characters in the first half page, most of who are practically insignificant going forwards, and still bring in more characters a page later in various forms of his conscience or something like that.
After about half way I was done.
Thing is I think you can write, but this reads like a very first draft, or something that made sense when you were on the alcs.
Sorry for being so harsh.
There’s probably something here but I think it needs working on.
Cheers
Max
Posted by: Devin, January 31st, 2023, 7:43am; Reply: 2
Hi Max,
Thanks for reading, and for your honesty. I think I was stuck and needed someone else to look at it and say, 'hey it's not working'!
Cheers!
Posted by: Pleb, January 31st, 2023, 5:07pm; Reply: 3
Hey Deckland,
You're welcome. Just to reiterate I think it could work, it just needs to be clearer. I was drawn in by the logline as I think it's an interesting idea so would like to see it work.
Cheers,
Max
Posted by: Devin, February 1st, 2023, 3:22pm; Reply: 4
Cool, glad you wrote that, I think I will do a few more drafts and repost.
Thanks!
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