Poutine Hell by R5e (Gum) writing as Anonymous, three - Short, Comedy - An innocent Chad becomes the scapegoat for a crappy shenanigan. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

For some reason my stomach doesn't feel so good after reading this, but you gotta love a bit of WordArt for the title page.

I clicked on the script link and was immediately faced with a picture. It put a smile on my face even though I had no idea what poutine was. I googled it and I have to say it sounds absolutely disgusting! :D Now I was ready to read the script and was in the right mood for what I was about to read. I thought it was funny! What made it funny was not one big joke, but rather all the smaller details peppered throughout. In my mind, you did a good job and I can clearly see you have a knack for comedy.  8)

Even though it didn't really made me laugh or chuckle, it was interesting to read someone's take on the bowels matter. And everyone likes a bowl of tasty fries. Ketchup or not.

Good luck.

Ahoy writer - off the top of the bat, humor is a subjective thing so I dunno, I'm sure there's a portion of the sane world that will laugh, crude humor can be funny, but most of the jokes here fall flat for me. I mean yes, it's breezy, and moves well, excellently written, but it felt.. gimmicky... I think that's the word I'm grasping for.

Despite my misgivings, one of the better entries - for us it all comes down to the parameters.  Best of Irish luck! :)_ghostie gal

Poutine shouldn't be a thing that works as it sounds vile, but it does!

That's got nothing to do with script, just had to say it ;-)

I'm not a massive toilet humour fan but this made me smile in several places, and the story trotted along at a nice pace.

Ending felt a little rushed but good effort overall.

Love the title page.

Not my sense of humor at all but was easy to read.
I too, have also learned what poutine is... sounds gross.

The thing that really stood out here was the dialogue.

Just has that authentic feeling conveying the vibe of the piece.

The story is obviously deliberately a little throwaway, but it's a nice flex of good dialogue writing.

Enjoyed the VO summary at the end to give the script a nice sendoff.

I love the title page. It looks like quite a bit of work was put into it.

I liked the surprise twist near the end. I normally don't like narration, but you make it work.

Uugh, poor Chad.

How can you NOT love Poutine?! Fries, cheese curds, loaded with gravy. Perfect after a night of binge drinking, lol.

This a pisstake? You taking a piss here are you, lad?

Nom nom…

So I chose this as my first read.  The reason?  I had no utter idea what the term "Poutine" meant.  After a Google search, I'm now sorry I know.  Yuk, guess you have to be Canadian?  Anyway, I have to say that you had me at the opening slug:  

INT. COMMUNITY CENTER - NIGHT
Empty hallway, late evening. A sign reads:
“Procrastinators Anonymous - Room: 101”
A crude banner plastered over that:
“Held over till further notice”

This is golden.  Started my read off with a big laugh.  Fortunately, that was just the first of many laughs (in between kind of gagging a couple of times).  This is well written with great comic timing and some really great one-liner type dialogue.  I think I may have seen a couple typos but don't remember what or where they were because I was compelled to keep reading on.  

So this one gets two thumbs up from me.  I would call it "grossly" hilarious.  Congrats on producing a "sh*tty" script for the OWC!

Kathy

Gross but entertaining. It was an easy read with some very clever comedy sprinkled in with disgusting visuals. LOL.  

I have a stomach ache now.  :P

Funny in a kind of funky, gross way.  Chad is one troubled dude.
Everybody is so cynical and wrecked. I have to admit to chuckling
now and again at the way Samantha and Cindy treat Chad.
Having IBS on top of it, in a world where Sprite is illegal and Chili Putin has
Vladimir as its Face of the Franchise, no wonder it's a powder keg
waiting to blow. The humor isn't bad, but I think it's more an acquired
taste. This story leaves skid marks across every page. Good luck.

Writer,

And I thought I was the only one who appreciates fart humor, but this take air to a different level altogether! A fun, quick read. Hits all the parameters, and entertaining. Love the way you did the cut to’s  with Samantha and Chad. Overall, maybe not my favorite, but a fun ride in the hands of a good writer.

Steve

I knew what Poutine was cause it featured in one of those travel shows and the Aussie reporter had his first taste - he said he loved it. Well, he would wouldn't he?

When I glanced at your title at first I actually confused Poutine with Poitín (potcheen) that's Irish moonshine if you're not aware, like firewater. Anyway I digress

The IBS banter was amusing - almost turning into The Argument Room and you had nice little touches of humour sprinkled throughout. Incidentally I have no idea what I thought Chad's occupation was going to be but it wasn't cook or kitchen-hand at a diner. And I was also surprised (and grateful) that you didn't veer further than you did into gross-out territory. I was bracing myself and expecting way worse.

Points for a good twist.
Never trust a Gypsy woman on a dark street.
While I expected a little bit more of a punchline at the end, it wasn't bad.

Your writing was an absolute breeze to read. You clearly know how to engage a reader and you have a gift for storytelling, even when it's not exactly the type of thing I'd be a big fan of.

Well done.

Thank you kindly for commenting on my crappy script, lol. Not everyone’s thing of course. Some liked it, some, well… not so much. I’m not usually one for gross out humor, and I think it’s pretty much a genre unto itself that’s a hit and miss with all audiences, perhaps watching too much Family Guy has finally corrupted my mind for good.

That being said, this script didn’t really go into seriously gross visuals, most of the readers just created a scenario in their own head and went from there. This is actually tame compared to some of the produced stuff out there…

Who could forget the ‘Pastry Scene’ from Van Wilder:



… or the ‘Trash Can Scene’ after being served a milkshake laden with ‘Colon Blow’:



… same scenario from Dumb and Dumber, and then there’s the seriously gross out short movie compilation called ‘Movie 43’ on Netflix that takes it to another level all together.

Quoted from Abe from LA … in a world where Sprite is illegal and Chili Putin has Vladimir as its Face of the Franchise.

My bad, I neglected to state the fountain drink was full of Schnapps, and Samantha, knowing Chad, pretty much knew that as well.

Thanks again all!