Stacy's Mom by Wayne Fontaine - Stacy's mom has got something going on...something terrifying.  Short, Horror, Comedy

Hi writer!

Yep, loved it. Great writing and enjoyable story (and this is not coming from a horror fan)
If I was being picky it would be that they found the exact passage of the book that describes the situation very quickly but I don’t think that matters at all.

Didn’t see the twist at the end coming either.

This would be even better once you can extend it a bit.

Best of luck

Love this song, writer!

And this tale is certainly a creative take on it. The writing is top-dollar throughout --
"Then she lifts the kitchen knife and stares into her own eyes as she licks her tongue along the edge of the blade" -- Really like that description even though I hadn't actually connected it to the ominous direction of things.

Look, I think this is a really good piece of work, no question, and I enjoyed it - but it was just that horror direction, that I couldn't quite relate to the tone of the song "Stacy's Mom".

Now that shouldn't take away anything from the creativity and quality of this entry, it was just a personal thing for me.

This one lives up to the creative logline, with a great revisionist take on the song that inspired it.  Were Jeff still around, I would peg this as possibly his -- which is not intended as a dig at the true author, even Jeff had his moments.

Amusing and over-the-top with a late twist thrown in. Good entry, this one.

Some quality writing on display to be sure.  Horror is usually not my bag (hence, why I always skip the October OWC), but even I found this one to be a bit of fun.   Was confused about a couple of things -- one, did she bite off Bryan's penis with her sharp teeth or cut it off with the knife she was exhibiting earlier?

Also, if Bryan isn't a virgin (at least he said he was, and the guys said that later), does Christine really have any use for him? I know I'm probably overthinking this.  

Also, statutory rape!  Or maybe the age of consent wherever they were is 17 (unlike my state which is 18).

Still, a fun read - good job here!

I liked lots of this a fun read, well written and would be fun to see filmed.

Only pet peevs for me is the end twise means we don;t have Stacy's Mom in the script - which could been kinda fun ;-) and surely if they're Bathroy's someone should have been called Elizabeth.

Nice tale though.

Yikes!  I love that video and the song.  A bunch of really fun no-brain teenage hormone zaniness.  This isn't that at all!  : - )  Gosh, I'd love to see this made as a B-Video to show with the original as a double feature.

Ahaha, I loved the reveal at the end.

Amusing this one. Think it could be somewhat more. Maybe if it was given some more depth, more conflict maybe. It's easy for the two of them. No fight from the boys and no much conflict between them. That might be just me.
It's still a very entertaining script. Around the song and all. Very nice job, writer!

Well, I'm another that didn't see that ending coming!  Very nice storytelling here and a creative take on the song.  I still cringe at gore, but this one should have big appeal to someone wanting to film a short horror with a shocker ending.  Good job, good entry, writer.

Kathy

Ahoy Wayne Fontaine -  I must have been living under a rock cos I've never heard of this one either. Sheesh! OK, clear and precise everything. I have no notes on your fundamentals. You're in charge of the writing and that's a big deal. Good job. I didn't see the twist coming and liked it. Best of Irish luck! :)_ghostie gal

Solid script with a good twist. I went back to check if there were any clues about the mother-daughter dynamic in the early dialogue. It might be cool if there were some minor hint early on that mom was the daughter and the daughter was the mom.

Writer,
Good song choice.  You added a twist.   I think it works well knowing what the song is about with these poor chaps get the worst "Stacy's mom" ever.  I didn't see that coming when Stacy said to stay away from her daughter.   I thought this was well-written and entertaining.   All the best.

Nice bit of writing and the setup works with the song.
There is a bit of the Freaky Friday + Queen of the Nile (TZ)
vibes going on. So an "old" gore hound like me was lapping
up the blood letting just fine.
You could go feature with this and have tons of fun. It would
need major reworking, but has potential.
Anyway...
The first twist works for me, role reversal. Not the second twist.
You are obviously staying faithful to the song—right? That hurts
your story. It forces you to makes choices that don't jive.
I think Christine has to hang around the school. She wants to
be seen, much to Stacy's chagrin. That's how she snags the boys.
That would be in keeping with their characters, while also being true
to the song's video.
I'll spoiler alert the rest of the review as not to ruin the fun
for others.

***
SPOILER ALERT
****
Stacy is leading the virgin boys to the slaughter. Why? I thought
her character was trying to keep "mom" Christine in check.
And doesn't Stacy want to direct the spotlight on herself?
She obviously can't compete with mom's curves, I guess.
Stacy removes her t-shirt at some point, but her timing is off.
If "Christine" is the daughter, why are all of the ancient paraphernalia
and stuff not in Stacy's closest?
If eternal youth is the objective, why is Christine older than
Stacy? It should be the opposite. The practitioner of the blood
rituals (if you want to call it that) would be younger and the daughter
who is not an active sexual participant would keep aging.
But I can see if Stacy is the evil female, then hot mom isn't the
focus of the story. Then you lose that twist and the connections to the song.
Oh well, i think all of this you know so I'll just say congrats on
telling a story that works for most.
The rest you can address after the challenge.

Spoiler alert
This had an interesting twist in the end that I also didn’t see coming. In the blink of an eye, I went from “This is hot.”, to “Uh-oh.” , to “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!”, to “Oh, no. there’s more!” It was a good use of five pages. I liked it more than the song, which says a lot.

Quoted from Abe from LA If eternal youth is the objective, why is Christine older than Stacy? .

Maybe it’s because Stacy ate more boys and has to stop eating for a while to become older. Just thinking out loud

Late 90s teen feel here. Visuals were great. Could really get clear images of what was going on. Nice twist of an ending as well. Decent entry.

Late 90s teen feel here. Visuals were great. Could really get clear images of what was going on. Nice twist of an ending as well. Decent entry.

Writer,

Good work. Liked this. And I like Fountains of Wayne, so there you go. Like the twist at the end, a lot crammed into five pages but it worked for me. Chewing something tough? Ha! Good one. Good work. Fun, clean and concise.

Steve

Thanks very much to all of you for the helpful suggestions as well as the kind words. Really enjoyed reading everyone's responses on this.

There's a moment in the Stacy's Mom music video where Stacy removes her shirt to reveal her bikini to the protag, but unbeknownst to her, protag is actually watching her mom undress through the window behind her. It's always stuck with me because I couldn't help but think what a nasty and humiliating moment this would be for Stacy if she knew what was happening. I thought these boys hanging out with a poor girl just to ogle her mom deserved some comeuppance.

Quoted from khamanna Maybe it’s because Stacy ate more boys and has to stop eating for a while to become older. Just thinking out loud

This is what I was going for! A story of competition between these two monstrous people and the late reveal that what seems like the youth and innocence of the one is actually a sign of her excessive murderousness. Even amongst near-immortal killers, some have self-esteem and balance and some don't.

Quoted from Rob Solid script with a good twist. I went back to check if there were any clues about the mother-daughter dynamic in the early dialogue. It might be cool if there were some minor hint early on that mom was the daughter and the daughter was the mom.

You're very right. I had more of this and lost it to page count. All that remains is Stacy telling mom to "cover up," but it's not overt enough. Thanks for flagging.

Quoted from bert Were Jeff still around, I would peg this as possibly his -- which is not intended as a dig at the true author, even Jeff had his moments.

Unbelievable. Et tu, Bert?