Print Topic
SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Comedy Scripts / Normal
Posted by: Don, September 22nd, 2023, 3:56pm
Normal by Jesson Kinder - Short, Comedy, Horror - A helicopter mom struggles with her son’s burgeoning independence and his troubling secret… 5 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: LC, September 23rd, 2023, 12:31am; Reply: 1
SPOILERS follow:
Okedoke, a serial killer apprentice and mentor Mom.
Hmm, I don't know that this works as a standalone short. It's not quite enough comedically but is full on horror.
Jack's obviously a little conflicted if he's still wetting the bed.
Teaching him to drive at 14? I suppose that's credible cause of their vocation.
I did find the flashback to Dad being murdered mildly amusing because of the preceding dialogue.
I would not use Italics in your flashbacks.
That's all I got really. Nothing wrong with it as such but I think you could up it a notch in both extremes - comedy and horror.
Posted by: Jesson K., September 26th, 2023, 12:24pm; Reply: 2
Thanks so much for checking it out. 8)
Print page generated: May 10th, 2024, 6:18am
Powered by
E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006