Christmas At The Piggly Wiggly by Kathy Cranford - Short, Comedy - A white Christmas isn’t magical in the South; it’s terrifying and always leads to a fight at the Piggly Wiggly. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This was pretty funny. I liked the Cheeto diet reference. I think I'll try that.

The final lines from police officer #2 were quite appropriate.

While I realize this story is a comic exaggeration, there are super markets in the greater NY and Long Island area where it's not too far off. It was on Long Island where a Walmart employee was trampled on Black Friday.

I shop like that when news of a storm hits the airwaves. I often don't need anything. I just shop out of peer pressure and in an attempt to fit in with my community

Thank you so much for the read, Michael (D. A. ). I literally formulated this from a meme I saw on Facebook this morning. I live in the Southern U. S. so this definitely hit home with me. I just had an idea and sat down and wrote this in an hour this afternoon (flaws and all).  Just a quickie to hopefully bring a chuckle and wish a Merry Christmas to all my friends here at Simply Scripts. Happy Holidays everyone!

A delightful read, Kathy!
The dog got everything he wanted for Christmas, except maybe a ham from the Deli.

I too want to try the Cheeto diet. :)

* Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you too, Kathy. :)

Quoted from LC A delightful read, Kathy! The dog got everything he wanted for Christmas, except maybe a ham from the Deli. I too want to try the Cheeto diet. :)

LOL, my New Year’s resolution is to commit to the Cheeto diet!  Thanks for the read, Libby. Wishing you a Merry Christmas, dear friend.  :)

What better way to read something slap sticky hilarious. The Piggly Wiggly I love. I imagined the whole scene and the cream pie for dessert was an awesome ending taboot. Great!

Quoted from Stoneyscripts What better way to read something slap sticky hilarious. The Piggly Wiggly I love. I imagined the whole scene and the cream pie for dessert was an awesome ending taboot. Great!

Thank you so much, John!  I’m not a big comedy writer but this struck home with me. And what slapstick comedy is complete without a pie to someone’s face?  Glad it gave you a laugh. Merry Christmas!  

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks

Ahoy Kathy --OK, this is wild slapstick comedy so obviously it plays better when you see it in motion. I like to read comedy quickly, to check out the pacing, and this was pretty good in that respect.  So I found this mildly amusing, but after giving it a go twice -- this doesn't need slapstick to carry it. If that makes sense.

Oh, luv me some lemon meringue pie. Um, maybe I'll do that this Christmas and skip the pumpkin. :)

Anywaz, a nice little story you crafted. Merry Christmas... :)-Andrea

Thank you, Andrea!  Glad it brought you a holiday chuckle. And you go ahead and enjoy your Lemon Meringue pie despite what those two hateful women said about it LOL. Merry Christmas!

Hi Kathy,

Amazing what 1/2 inch of snow can turn into.

A funny short. You got a knack for storytelling.

To clean it up a little, I would suggest mini-slugs for large chunks of Action (ex: p3) or include
a few paragraphs. Ease up on some of the capped words in Action and remove some redundancy (ex: TWO
MIDDLE AGED WOMEN --- name and age are sufficient)).

I enjoyed the story. A few chuckles.
Good luck

Frank