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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Comedy Scripts / See it. Say it. Sorted.
Posted by: Don, February 11th, 2024, 2:17pm
See it. Say it. Sorted. by John Stone - Short, Comedy - Curiosity killed the cat in this commuter short. 7 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: LC, February 11th, 2024, 8:30pm; Reply: 1
John, I really enjoyed this one!
At the point that he says: No! Wait!
And on his look (after yet another PSA)... What about if the woman says something like:
WOMAN
I already thought about that, dumbarse!
MAN looks wary.
WOMAN
How many terrorists do you know who would use Emporio Armani?
I mean, Samsonite, maybe...
Or have something like that further up cause first impressions would surely be that the danger factor has occurred them both.
Either way, loved it!
Posted by: Stoneyscripts, February 12th, 2024, 4:55pm; Reply: 2
Thanks for the read Libby. Noted.
Posted by: D.A.Banaszak, February 13th, 2024, 7:36pm; Reply: 3
I love the dialog in this.
I had no idea how it would end until maybe a couple of lines before the end. Even then my thoughts were, "Wouldn't it be crazy if..?" And then it happened.
Nice.
P.S. The title is perfect.
Posted by: LC, February 13th, 2024, 8:28pm; Reply: 4
I loved the dialogue too. Spot on!
Posted by: Stoneyscripts, February 14th, 2024, 6:53am; Reply: 5
I love the dialog in this.
I had no idea how it would end until maybe a couple of lines before the end. Even then my thoughts were, "Wouldn't it be crazy if..?" And then it happened.
Nice.
P.S. The title is perfect. |
There is nothing more satisfying than when other writers get what you're putting out there. So thanks you Michael and Libby for your kind comments.
Posted by: kcranford, February 15th, 2024, 4:20pm; Reply: 6
John, you are basically a fount of these comedic shorts. I was initially intrigued by the title, because I had no idea what it meant. Now I get it - I haven't been on a plane or other public transportation in several years, so I'm out of the loop I guess. This one kept me guessing until the end. Another nice offering!
Posted by: Stoneyscripts, February 19th, 2024, 6:29am; Reply: 7
Thanks Kathy. Glad enjoyed this one too.
Best
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