The Briefing by Buscopan - Two men meet in an abandoned house, one assigns the other a weighty task.  Short, Drama

Writer,

Read it twice. It all seems a bit cryptic to me.  Oh, I get the gist of their conversation, but no mention of anything about the house they're in. Is it going to be torn down or what. Wasn't clear to me.

Why not blow the house up at the end, or something. Spit balling here.

Regardless, this is a mixed bag for me. Maybe I didn't totally get it. Not bad. Solid entry.

All the best,

Ghost

Enigmatic, but left me wanting, and with too many questions.
Why the Suited Man and his female accomplice? Why did she not go with him?

Maybe a month...we've got a month
to talk them out.
Taiwan and Ukraine, I'm guessing?
And we can only guess some previous conversation indicates there's a ticking clock and some leeway to prevent detonation - cause I thought at first it was no choice, do it now!

You write very well but I think you're getting in your own way by overwriting instead of relying on characters showing emotions and reactions.

The suited man carefully assesses the situation, drawing from
deep within to offer a subtle nod.

In response, the bearded man reciprocates with his own nod,
signifying a hard-thought agreement reached.

A lot of words for a couple of nods. I get that you're using a style to reflect the gravity of the situation but I think it could be pared back.

Nothing pivotal about the house except it's the meeting place for the nefarious plan and needed to be out in the sticks. I'm discovering the same with a few of these tales - the house purely as backdrop.

Thank you for joining the party!

So I can't see that the house is significant to the script, though could be a metaphor?

I'm never a fan of Bearded Man type naming conventions unless there's a specific reason, not sure there is here, and you do provide the name of Adam later on.

So I'm seeing this as God talking to Adam about starting the end of the world by setting Russia and China against each other, Eve can't attend this time for some reason? And Adam doesn't want to?

Intriguing but not one for me really.

Yeah, after mentioning the name Adam, I got the consensus that we were in some type of Biblical end of times scenario. Instead of another Great Flood, a nuclear holocaust.

Gonna go out on a limb and state that this story feels wedged into an old house for the sake of hitting the theme parameters, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like it. It’s a cool 21st century take on an age-old prophesy, if there ever was a prophesy in the first place that involved destroying Earth and its inhabitants to initiate a reset.

Curious that humans still, to this day, find comfort anthropomorphizing ‘Source’ into something that’s easier for them to understand: God in the likeness of an old man.  Whereas, as we get closer to understanding A.I, it would appear that Source is nothing more than just that, a very powerful (and perhaps very old) Quantum Computer that has the ability to create and monitor in real time an infinite number of simulations throughout infinite dimensions of space and time… how else can we explain away many aspects of our absurd Universe.

Sorry, went off on a tangent there. The story itself is interesting enough for the sign of the times. Best of luck.

I feel like the Bearded Man is a writer and he's rewriting the script of the Universe. Can that be true?

I don't understand the significance of the cities, who he called and why.
The other things are also not clear, but I was thinking that he was a Universe writer up until that moment.
And that he was writing about how it all started and all..

Beijing and Saint-Petersburg - maybe they are too much apart, and he has to write everything in between?

Writer,

One rule I don’t always adhere to , but preach endlessly, is clarity. I read this twice — once, the entire script, then just the dialogue to see if there was anything I’ve missed. Way too much ambiguity here to make this entertaining. That’s not to say it isn’t well written or interesting or visual  — it’s all of those. But ultimately, I have no idea what this is all about or why. And in a short like this, it needs to make sense and make sense quick.

Steve

Dear Buscopan, am I, as a nurse, the only one who took note of your alias?  Having tummy troubles? I hope not  ;).  As to my comments on the script.  I actually liked it.  A lot.  Sodom and Gomorrah anyone?  I was only waiting for a mention of someone turning to a pillar of salt.  I thought this had a very ethereal feel and the second script to insinuate an angelic type presence.
I really appreciate your writing style and think this would be another favorite to see produced.  Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking little tale!

I like the vibe of this script. The description at the beginning is sharp and atmospheric. Nice use of details like rusty pots and cracked plates. Seems like a lot more than plates will be cracked in the upcoming month.

It seems to me that the suited man is Adam and the woman he calls is Eve. They've grown attached to humanity and don't want it to end.

While I found the exchange to be spooky, it seems to me that the script could use some sort of turn of events. What would happen if Adam loaded the warheads into the car, but changed his mind, went back inside, and killed the bearded man, creating a huge rift with God? An ominous thunder roll would send the message that danger is ahead. Just a thought.

Hi Writer

If your character names are Suited Man and Bearded Man then you don't need to keep referring to them with a "the" in description. Just their names, capitalised.

Not sure I understand, and unlike others I'm not gonna read it twice. Some kind of reckoning story? Although there is too much ambiguity surrounding it for me to really enjoy.

Nicely written though, you painted a nice visual picture in my head.

All the best

Buscopan,

This was a good story. I liked the slow reveal of everything. Not too cryptic for me. Once Adam was revealed, I realized what story I was in for. I did read through it twice though, just for fun. Once as a whole, and again as just the dialogue, since the dialogue seems to be the main reveal here.

Good job.

Sean

Another one that's a scene from a bigger story. Like the others, it's a good scene, though.

Well written. Yes, it borders on hiding its hand too much, but, that's the fun of the script. And, what a wicked idea: God using man's hideous inventions to provoke a giant reset.

I'm not a religious person, but I do know that God promised never to do one of those resets again (that's the rainbow, right?)...but, in this short, God tells man to read the fine print: I never promised that YOU wouldn't do the reset for me. THAT'S a super fun idea to play with.

I'm guessing this is about Adam and Eve having to put mankind on a path of self-destruction for a redo?

Interesting idea, and written well enough but it doesn't really work for me the way it is currently. I think having a bit more of a bunch or twist at the end would be better. Holding off on mentioning his actual name until the last possible moment would help. Having Eve there as well would work to improve this too, perhaps she storms out of the meeting in disgust once she hears what she has to do or perhaps she is just waiting out in the car.


Good effort.

This is very esoteric and high level type of storytelling here, it appears.  I assume, like others, that God is using “Suited Man” to initiate some sort of end-world type destruction so that He can start again.  And that’s a good place to start with a story – if in fact that is the story you are telling -- but I felt like there was too much guesswork on my end as to story points and you as the writer trying to disguise things that kept me from fully buying into the story.  For example, why call them Bearded Man and Suited Man?  Why are they meeting at this shack, other than to meet the parameters of the contest?  Why is Bearded Man dealing with this Suited Guy, and why can’t the woman be a part of this – is this more religion keeping the woman in her place?  Just too many questions for me, I guess.  It’s finely written, for what that’s worth, I guess I was just left with wanting something more. Best of luck with it.

There has a lot of symbology going on. I know that the dots are connected. I'm going to find myself thinking about this for quite a while before I see the connections.

I didn't see this as an Adam and Eve story so much as a story of Sodom and Gomorrah, with the old man representing an angel, and the man in the suit (and his wife) being Lot and Lot's wife.

At the moment I get the impression that with the two detonations, a world-ending volley will commence between the two nations. That would end one book and begin the next. I am eager to find out, assuming you provide a post-contest reveal if I was close.

I am not sure of the significance of the month.

Anyway, a rather interesting story that also doubled as a treasure hunt for me. I suspect I may be over thinking this.

Lots of questions among the readers about this one. But I think I might be right about my interpretation.

To me, this is an "End Of Times" story as decreed by the Man Upstairs. God has given the order to start fresh because the current world population has screwed up terribly and disappointed the big guy.

These two men represent the Angel of Death and Adam (who calls Eve to say they have a month to try and talk the Creator out of pulling the plug.)

The two cities are in Russia and China.

The first time was the FLOOD, and this time it's the BOOM!

I enjoyed the read very, very much, but I was distracted by the purpose of the house being irrelevant to the story.

Maybe the house where they meet is in a Holy Land.

There must be a few shacks in Bethlehem

Hey writer,

I liked this, although it felt overwritten at times for me.

And yes, it was a little ambiguous at times but no so much I didn't think I could understand it... that's assuming I'm right in thinking it was about schizophrenic terrorist talking to an imaginary friend before he blows stuff up?

Jokes! I think it's about man's fall in the Garden of Eden, right?

Good luck!

Thank you all for your fair and insightful comments. Seems it was a little too ambiguous, must bear that in mind.

D.A,

Quoted Text At the moment I get the impression that with the two detonations, a world-ending volley will commence between the two nations. That would end one book and begin the next. I am eager to find out, assuming you provide a post-contest reveal if I was close.

Yeah, that's very close to what I was going for, Big Lew nailed it.

Pleb,

Quoted Text that's assuming I'm right in thinking it was about schizophrenic terrorist talking to an imaginary friend before he blows stuff up?

Liking that idea, think this would've worked better on that premise!