Turning by Steve Fauquier - Thriller, Drama - When the final two passengers on a Ferris wheel are left stranded at the top, curiosity quickly turns to terror as the sinister motives of the ride attendant come to light. 103 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This was an excellent story. I didn’t know where it would turn next (pun intended). I was absolutely riveted. The drama in the end built up well. The mood of the ending was nothing like what it was in the beginning.

There were a couple of issues. On page 14, The attendant makes is way passed the various… that should be past the various.

I got a little lost on page 21. Ben and Eva are in a pod where Eva claps and Ben puts his arm around his daughter.  I didn’t know I could see them in the pod. It wasn’t until later that you describe the pod as being mostly windows. It would have helped describe the windows or the pod then, and that we could see some activity between them in the pod. Also, the door to the pod wasn’t closed when Eva claps and Ben puts his arm around her. That also threw me off.

In my opinion, I thought the descriptions were a little wordy and that it read more like a novel than a screenplay. I also thought it had too much camera direction and acting direction. I just believe that the script tells the story and that the director should direct the shots, camera angles and the scene changes. I could hear the director, the editor and the actors screaming at you  to stop telling them how to do their job. That’s just my opinion. You, be you. However, it is my understanding that if you write in too much direction, it could be a deal breaker and the studio stops reading your script.

There’s not much more I think I can help you with. This is an exciting piece of work.