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This was bittersweet yet heartwarming all the same. I did find it odd that he left Charlie the way he did but I understand why you had the story end the way it did. The extra paragraphs would not have added to the feelings that the story was to invoke.
I think it ended well. It made me think over what George was going through.
Thanks for your comment’s guy’s. Just to fill you in and add some depth to the narrative I’ll explain who uncle Charlie is to me. He is the great uncle I had the pleasure of picking up when I worked at a cab company in Essex. At that time I was about to become a London Iconic taxi driver. Charlie was a retired taxi driver and was in fact a relative. I only found out when he died that he was my grandfather’s brother. I do own his gold watch, handed down to me because of the taxi connection. But just imagine my reaction to having met him when he was alive and not knowing who he was.
My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
Red 49 got to me, I thought it was good. I believe that a good writer can write about anything at anytime. It's not the length of the screenplay, but it's what your expressing to the world.
Oh! Keeping in mind that the story is based on your personal life, I think my previous comment didn't seem valid then. All in all, I can say it is well-written and easy to follow.
Appreciated guy’s. Thanks for reading and comments.
My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
Your taxi stories are enjoyable. This one was bittersweet.
You certainly got a knack for dialogue, it flows, feels real. Each character has a distinctive voice. I don't think you need some of the parentheticals, the dialogue is good enough, stands by itself.
Nit-picks: I believe Voice Over should be wrapped in parenthesis (V.O.). P.2, "Red 49 ignores the remark" -- I would try to be more visual, show me, how does he ignore the remark. p4, maybe show the taxi pulling up outside the club, use an EXT: and show a sign indicating the club, then INT. back in the taxi. More showing, than telling.
Hey John, I gave this a read. Was the first draft longer?
RED 49 I can take that. I'll be here, I promise.
Should this be: I can't take that?
Bespectacled, wiry haired and unshaven miserable old CHARLIE I really was expecting the word: git in there before his name.
I see this is inspired by real events. That you only found out later. I actually would have enjoyed a bit more of this relationship, then again I expect 'George' did too.