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20 Questions by Glenn Doyle - Short - A young, mute boy receives nothing he wished for on Christmas Day, but after he receives a mysterious game of 20 Questions, his family decide to play. - pdf, format
Not a bad effort here. This was written pretty well, but once the fun started you knew exactly where this was going to end up. Actually, you did a great job of making me absolutely hate Rick, Kyle and Barb to the point I was gonna put this down. I just thought their behavior to be so atrocious. Anyway, a decent story that just lacked punch.
By the middle of the script, I truly hated Rick, Barb, and Kyle. Thomas was very sympathetic. As the rules go, people this wicked usually get theirs, and people like Thomas hand it to them.
Liked the scary, skinny Santa.
The only bad thing was, for as how unpredictable the first half of the script was, once they began to play the game, you could guess the rest. Not that you didn't want it to happen, but it was a little bit of a let down.
You need something at the very end to surprise us again.
Hunter - I was thinking the same thing when I realized just how horrible Thomas was being treated.
I knew after you've introduced that creepy, evil Santa the ending was going to get good, can't help but feel you let back a bit though, but I guess they were presents for Thomas so they can't be too horrible.
Well written, somewhat interesting. I wasn't really into the dark Santa bit (I totally despise ":red glowing eyes") and I'm glad the 20 questions card game was short and sweet, I don't know if I would had the patience if it was played to its full potential. However, Christmas is a great time for board and card games as they could have been a newly opened gift, so I'm good with that.
Technical-wise, there isn't much difference between "continuous' and 'moments later'.
Ooh, another horrible family. I like the choice of 20 questions.
'Like Uncontrollable vomit' - very novel but weird description. Unlike this one which was great: She flashes him an ice cold stare. And, it sums up the character of Barb (apt name too) perfectly.
Hooray, 'they' all got their comeuppance.
I'm not sure if this one does it for me, but not bad all the same.
Solid story, well written and great job on making the antagonists really unlikable.
I wondered why the family were so mean to him and if he really was a mute or he just chose not to speak. I guess either he could talk all along or something in the game gave him the power to speak all of a sudden.
I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good. I enjoy writing the same. Looking to team with anyone!
Some notes. The opening doesn’t work for me. Cruelty for cruelty’s sake is off-putting. Now, if they’re cruel while claiming to be kind, I’ll go for that. More gratuitous cruelty. Unneeded. The santa scene seems overlong and perhaps too detailed. Could it be made to look like his dream? More unnecessary snubbing. We know they treat him poorly. And we get to the game. It works for me. Thomas gets what he wants through the game left behind by santa. Now, if you give him a card, you might make this even better. The last thing on his list is a ‘voice’? or a family? With a twist, of course. Best Richard
Game incorporated into the script and used quite cleverly.
Hmmm - I think the meanness has to be a little more subtle - it is running the risk of being too over the top.
Evil Santa - not sure why this has to be a devil like creature.
Nice payoff at the end. Once the first one got it - the rest were pretty much forecasted as well so it got a bit slow here - but I don't know how you avoid that.