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Thank you, LC. The title change is just fine.
My screenplay is a dramatization of my life, a victim of long-term physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse by two abusers in my family, my mother and my sister. Once I became a Christian, I really struggled with the biblical teaching on forgiveness, and didn't know how to forgive the two people who hurt me the most.
My screenplay is about that abuse and my journey through healing, and finally confronting my two abusers, and what happened as a result of that. I finally found my peace, and I wrote about it, for others who might be searching for the same thing.
Think Mommie Dearest, with a message of hope and healing.
How about: The true story of ...
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Hi Scott, I amended your title based on the info supplied. If you want the working title changed again just let me know.
Re your logline I'm curious what 7x70 means and if it has extra meaning to your story and if it would add to your logline.
At the moment what you have reads fine - it does the job, but (and not meaning to be indelicate here) is there something unique about your story, the setting, the characters, the situation, that is uniquely yours. All of these films are about abuse, but all quite different:
Mommie Dearest
Running with Scissors
Big Boys Don't Cry
Radio Flyer
Bastard out of Carolina
You're selling a story but also a film - is it a self-help documentary style film about your lif...
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Hi Scott and welcome! I’m a stickler for loglines and yours is a good one that hits all the marks and should pique interest for your work. I look forward to reading your script if you opt to post it here.
Best,
Kathy |
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Hi, my name is Scott. I wrote a screenplay based on a book I wrote two years ago called "70x7: Forgiving Your Abusers". I received wonderful responses from people who read my book, who said it really helped them find peace through the power of forgiveness.
I was a victim of long-term child abuse (physical, mental, and sexual) and struggled as a Christian with how to forgive the two abusers I had in my family.
I feel the screenplay I just wrote will reach a wider audience and will be able to help more people discover their own peace after abuse.
Here is my LOGLINE:
A man haunted by childhood abuse embarks
on a journey to forgive the unforgivable.
I'm lookin...
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Thanks, everyone. I just saw this thread.
Yes, May 7 was my Birthday and it was quite amazing, actually. The whole week was amazing! What happened, you ask? Well, I can't really talk about it.  |
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Dear Smanga,
interesting trout typo on P10 !! You show us quickly what a swine Banzi is to Sizakele. Arguments are usually very short, so you've gained space to show us further control traits like gaslighting (making her think she's mad) and maybe bragging to a workmate the duties he expects his wife to provide.
It's a stupid man who rapes his wife while she is chopping carrots! This is her chance - maybe she can't do it (yet).
Try to work in some connection to the spirit woman - maybe Sizakele has a small hidden shrine to a deity? As this beating is not the first time. They always say I'll get help. If he smashes her phone the replacement he gives her (tearfully making an apology) will be full of spyware so he can track her texts ...
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Eric, did you upload a/the new draft?
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Yes, it looks like the latest is up.
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The Impact (reply) |
Posted by: War Lord
Date Posted: Yesterday, 10:23am |
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| Thank you for your comment - I will consider introducing Barry and Bow in my re-write - I will also give the characters different voices as I notice they all pretty much talk the same Thank You for giving me insight on what I’m lacking |
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Kinship (reply) |
Posted by: LC
Date Posted: Yesterday, 2:26am |
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A very quick item of feedback.
117 pages is too long for a Spec, which I presume this is.
Get rid of the bulk of your CUT TOs and your page count will be greatly reduced and the script will be more streamlined and easier to read.
Unless you're cutting from say, a location in India, to a location in Australia, your cuts are not necessary. Writing a new scene heading does the cut for you.
Also, this type of thing:
Nick reaches in his pocket. Puts a folded piece of currency,
places in the Santa's hand.
Suggestion: Nick reaches into his pocket, pulls out a twenty-dollar bill, places it in Santa's hand.
Or:
Nick pulls a twenty-dollar note from his pocket, slaps it in Santa's hand. |
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Kinship (reply) |
Posted by: Michael_C
Date Posted: Yesterday, 2:04am |
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Hello, Kelvin.
The first thing that struck me about this script is the many grammatical and spelling errors. And I would guess you probably don't want that to be the first thing people notice. It seems to give a message that you don't care. And if you don't care, why should anyone else care enough to take time to read your 117 pages, think carefully about them, and write comments to help you improve?
But I also know it takes work to write a 117-page screenplay, even one full of irritating errors, and I was curious what the actual story was so decided to check it out (since I plan to post a script here soon myself, and hope people will be curious and make time for me.)
What follows is all just my opinion, and...
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| Cool. Yeah I just refreshed the browser a few times and it popped up. |
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Sounds like Don posted it.
I’ll take a look at it. |
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Thanks for reading JTF
Some good points to take into consideration, for sure - I've always seen champagne as a sparking wine, and wine takes up less room 
Very appreciated,
Cheers fella
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| Thanks and best. |
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Masters of Doom (reply) |
Posted by: JtF
Date Posted: May 14th, 2025, 12:44pm |
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Dear Danny,
P3 needs cleaning up - I always wonder if the Romans ever wondered how their empire would end.
Flashback narration; if this is culled from the book it needs to be much shorter as film dialogue VO.
I think there has to be more light and shade and more of the human story(s).
It's very intense (which a coder or developer would know)
and as written they'd be the only ones staying with you, each exclaiming "that's me!"
I also think the vast amounts of narration would distance you from your viewers. All best -- |
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The Cairn (reply) |
Posted by: JtF
Date Posted: May 14th, 2025, 12:08pm |
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Dear Robin,
from a vivid sensory page one the jerk to the shack bedroom is severe and you flip into prose territory; not naming your characters distances them from your audience - and how would we know the powerful man is her husband. The mantra is show don't tell (which you executed beautifully on the first page)
There's nothing wrong with this line; Inside is a small, pale white pebble, nestling in her palm. Not if you are David Carradine! There needs to be visual connections between the characters, your prose connections would not be available to the audience. Alas I don't believe the HUSBAND would act in that way - so that's rather a big plot hole.
Have a think about the story you are trying to tell - maybe it doesn't need so m...
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Quick Fix - OWC (reply) |
Posted by: Zack
Date Posted: May 14th, 2025, 11:31am |
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| Thanks for all the feedback. Happy most of you seemed to enjoy this one. Will give it a good rewrite and resubmit it here later. |
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Bummed I didn't get to this one during the actual challenge, as I would have scored it well.
Aside from a few odd hiccups, the writing here is pretty tight! Flows well and pulls the reader to the next page, as it should.
Story-wise, I wasn't digging this schmaltzy love story... Until that dark twist hit. I wasn't expecting that! And you still managed to make that kinda sweet as well.
Great work here, dude. It's awesome to see you back in the saddle again! |
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| I’m not sure if this is still being filmed. The filmmaker hasn’t responded to the contract. Please can you remove the instruction from the heading. |
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Abigail - 2024 (reply) |
Posted by: grace
Date Posted: May 14th, 2025, 1:44am |
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hostel 3 -- YUCK. funny enough, another scott spiegel joint ! I do love his earlier film, intruder, but it's sad he got stuck in dtv sequel hell. hostel 3, like dusk 2, falls into that category of cheapie sequels that inexplicably feel older than their predecessors to me.
gotta wonder if we're gonna get another abigail. if this were 1995 we would already have a really shitty recast abigail sequel that takes place entirely in a much smaller house. |
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I was very upset with both of what followed.
I've watched them a few times actually, and although they have their moments, just too cheap for me to really say I could enjoy them.
Same issue with the not so good Hostel 3 in Vegas. Just not the same beast. |
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John, did you appreciate my little Gepppeto story I had to insert into my feedback?
Dude, it's actually even funnier, as I omitted part...
When I was "hanging" with my new chica friend, my buddy and the other girl came looking for us. They were both yelling out, Geppetto (and the chica's name), and I wasn't paying attention, as my interest was elsewhere, and my chica pushes me away, and tells me they're yelling for us, and they walk back to where we were, and my buddy says, with a straight face, "Gepetto, Dude, we were worried about you guys.
So, even maybe funnier, last week, on my Birthday week, I was hanging at a Scottsdale pool with my buddy who flew in from SoCal, since Wifey had no plans ...
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That's funny. I did the same thing and had you down for Knotty Boy in my guesses!
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Now, that is funny! Good job!!
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Abigail - 2024 (reply) |
Posted by: grace
Date Posted: May 13th, 2025, 11:56pm |
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I love rodriguez with all my heart, and it's cool to see him working with tarantino material, but I will admit I prefer his later stuff. the crime half is really great, but I tend to lose interest a little bit when it just turns into a fangoria free-for-all...the tension peaks with the snake dance and then it's kind of goofy from there. clooney is awesome though, and I think qt gives his all-time best performance. the role he was meant to play lol
are you at all fond of part 2 ? it's cheap and not on the same caliber at all but I have always loved its neon nighttime desert vibes so much. |
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Here’s my two cents worth. How about combining Chuck, The Gorilla and Donald into one character. You could call it “Chump”. 😂 |
Haha… very funny Kathy. A bullshitting gorilla with bad eyesight. Hilarious… |
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m3gan walked so abigail could pirouette... this one is great !! abigail is one of my favorite characters ever. such a simple idea that works so well.
this kind of gave me don't breathe vibes, what with the criminals locked in with the horror -- it's an effective way to write because it adds more urgency to the setup, rather than just having a bunch of people there to party or whatever (a more conventional formula I still like a lot).
I like the worldbuilding a lot, even though (or especially because) it's not really elaborated on. very from dusk till dawn -- you're left with the sense you only experienced the tip of the iceberg. I like movies where a significant amount of story happens outside the movie -- gives t |
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I always wondered why Pinocchio was turned into a real boy after all the mischief and mayhem he caused throughout his adventures. His reward should have just been the donkey ears and tail. I had so much fun writing this little tale.
Someone commented about whether he was really made of Pin Oak - I doubt it. Pin Oak is indigenous to North America. I'm an old woodsman myself and thought it was fitting. Have you ever tried to split Pin Oak? It ain't easy, brother. Knotty is being nice. Ha, another play on words. I got a million of 'em!
The 'Circa' king of derailed me. I knew it wasn't quite right where I put it but I didn't want to do a super either. I think when I do a rewrite, I will do a super with a story catch-up (e.g., &q...
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I tried to be sneaky, too, when I threw out my guesses for who wrote what? I had a lot of guesses, but I purposely didn't make a guess on Knotty Boy, hoping peeps would wonder if I wrote it, taking attention away from my actual entry. |
That's funny. I did the same thing and had you down for Knotty Boy in my guesses! |
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Haha, I always know what you wrote, Jeff.
Interestingly this time Don's script also seemed like yours. But I recognized this one as yours too. |
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| Here’s my two cents worth. How about combining Chuck, The Gorilla and Donald into one character. You could call it “Chump”. 😂 |
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Showing 1 - 30 (20878 results found)
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