Kind of a roundabout means to get to the payoff -- a bit heavy on hidden compartments and other serendipitous discoveries -- but it is a good, solid payoff.

What this story needs is for Paul to come back in the end.  Whether he is angry or pleased or something else, he should also make an appearance in this basement with his family.

Even though this was the first short on the list to read, for some reason I didn’t read it first. And now that I have come back around to it, I think this sets a very high bar.

I think the storytelling is excellent, and the way the writer peels back the onion to build the suspense is very skillful.

When Ben goes into the basement we expect that’s where the real horrifying event is going to happen and he's the one to be terrorized...but no(!) it’s Whitney. He doesn’t even know what evil he has uncovered. Great twist!

I guess Ben will go Trick Or’ Treating as a maniacal serial killer.

I didn't have time to read any of these while it was going on, but I decided to take a look now, and what do I see??? You took part, and you won!!! So, I read your script, and I can see why it won. I haven't read any of the comments, and you probably aren't looking for any now, so I'll just say BRAVO. I like how Whitney discovered something absolutely horrifying, but Ben didn't. Well, he thought it was scary in a cool way but was oblivious to what they had really found. If I were to suggest anything, it would be to tone down some of the hints, especially towards the end. IMHO, subtle hints would work better and deliver the final scare better. Right now, by the time we get near the end, it's quite obvious what's going on.

Awesome work!

Aww, thank you Pia! Much appreciated.

I plan to write another draft of this. Nothing too elaborate.

So, with your impressive horror expertise could you give me an example of how you might tone down the clues?

To me it was kinda obvious something would be discovered and I thought real 'death masks' as a reveal might be payoff enough. I steered away from the bodies in the freezer type trope.

Anyway, thankyou!
Glad you liked it.

I have no expertise in horror, lol.

I think for me, this script sort of gave it away already halfway through with the discovery of the souvenirs. Especially the driver's licenses. I immediately thought, serial killer. IMHO, it would work better if you started with less obvious items, so it stays a mystery a little longer. Let the creep factor build. I also thought the magazines were too much. It left us with absolutely no doubt of what was going on here—especially the taxidermy stuff. At that point I even knew there was going to be either stuffed humans or some other skin-related items. It left my own imagination with nothing to do.  

I didn't quite get what the 3D printer was for. I would've been more intrigued by finding clues of what he had used it for than finding the taxidermy magz.

Good script and I can see why it won.  

Pia yep, some bits I agree are a little over-egged.

The 3D printer came about after I did some quick research into death masks of the 21st century and the scanning of human faces.

Will see what I can do in the revamp.