Hey Gary,

I really enjoyed this! It was just so bizarre and completely unexpected that I completely fell for it. Not sure it's really horror, and you just sort of leave the ending hanging, but it was a fun read and I can't help but admire your creativity. The writing could do with a once-over here and there ("They wait behind the sofa for the Figments"), but generally it zipped along and did have some tension despite the zaniness of what was unfolding.

Nice job!

1 - Story: Excellent! That was a nice little story.
2 - Filmable & Budget: The on-site work should be pretty simple & straight forward. The CGI stuff will run up the price. If someone has the programming - GO FOR IT!
3 - Horror & Audience: SciFi fantasy rather than horror. PG-13 as is and a feature could likely remain such. Very good audience for this material. Challenge criteria - largely met, default to The Pirate's Code approach. This was 8/10 of a short story. Wish you had used that last two pages to seal the deal.
4 - Technicals & Format: Good & fine. I like the way you did the night goggles bit.
5 - Title & Logline: Good title. Logline is less than seductive.
General Comments:
A - Very clever premise.
B - I understand why you used standard military surnames as your character names, but flipped flopped back to referring to "Melissa" in dialog.
However, all action lines should have maintained her as Cutlass/Cute@ss , as well.
Darn civies get confused over such trivial details.
C - With another two pages you could have wrapped this up as both a complete story and escalated the conflict into a full blown horror story with the third phalanx of figments.

JB - Thanks dude. Glad you got it. How this stuff gets in my head I'll never know. I'm not sure I want to know. The end does hang a bit doesn't it? I agree a couple of things do need to be tightened.

RW - Interesting review format. Cool. Glad you liked it, esp the night goggles. Yeah, it's 8/10 of what it could have been but I thought it might be interesting enough as is. The logline sucks. The Melissa/Cutlass thing is my bad.

Gary