Fat Guy by Koolacooho Mafessiin - Short, Comedy - Fat Guy shows off how cool his superhero power is. 3 pages - pdf, format

WTF!

I guess comedy isn't your thing and only 3 pages...
Fat guy and skinny guy, not exactly the most creative superheroes and I wouldn't even call them that.

Just a short exchange with a donuts joke thrown in.

At least you entered, just not my thing.

It's actually 2 pages and I didn't find it funny. But that's probably because I suck with comedies.

OK. ..Didn't take long to read I suppose.

Hi,

Looks like I missed what their superpowers might be.

I don't think comedy should be found in a prose. I think the situation or dialog should be funny. The prose is not on screen, so if I find it funny it'll get lost as soon as the script gets on screen.

There were quite a few typos in this, but this is not a big deal and expected I guess.

I don't understand what's goin on in here. I think you took it easy. too easy. Well...

Oh boy...here we go again.  I'm out long before Page 1 is over...and I now see the entire script is less than 2 pages.  Really?

Writing is very poor, sorry to say.  Mistakes of every kind, on virtually every line...to the point where maybe it's purposely written as poorly as possible?  Hard to say, but definitely not for me.

Had my first hic-cup on the opening line:

Quoted Text

No one is on the street. No I lied. SKINNY GUY is on the
street


Not sure I get the point - anyway.

Okay - this one kind of lost me. Fat and Skinny guy - not sure what the powers were other than being fat and skinny. The descriptive passages were a bit long - could have been written crisper. Can't say that I laughed. This one fell a little flat for me.

All I'm getting is that Fat Guy needs to save the donuts and Skinny Guy needs to  . . . get in the back seat of a car?

This one wasn't my thing.

First entry I've read. Not a good start.

Is the comedy meant to come from this being laughably bad?

Wow, it just ended.  I don't get it.  This is 2 in a row that I don't get.  

Sorry.

Did you submit the wrong story?  It wasn't done.

Dan

Sorry, but this didn't work for me...

Writer,

Two pages long and I couldn't get past the first. This is just nonsensical and not very good.

Glenn.

Look, its the last one and I'm gonna throw out a 1 for this just for the hell of it! Ok, its only a 1 but remember...its a big fat one! Lol

1 laugh out of 10

Not a lot of effort put into this one. No real story, no real laughs. These kind of jokes are a tough sell these days. They have to be played right. I think this just misses the mark.

Didn't work for me. This read very much like prose and I quickly got lost in the skinny guy did this, fat guy did that mess.

Sorry, at least you tried.

-Mark

This read to me like an experienced writer trying very hard to write terribly.  Unfortunately, and in this case, it's difficult to pull off.  I wouldn't even call this a pisser, cuz pissers at least attempt to make you laugh at the stupidity.  This one was just a chore to get through and no cheap laughs at all.  Bah.

Oh dear, not really sure what happened there. It's got a superhero in it...comedy not so much. Actually it's got talking donuts so that was kinda funny, the rest of it not so

Writer,

Okay that was different. So I'm guessing this cataclysmic showdown takes place in an apocalyptic world where no kne is alive, or everyone just scattered away cause they knew this was gonna get messy. Give fat guy and skinny guy a wide berth. Either way this made pretty much no sense to me. Way overwritten, even for two pages! Just nothing really happening that catches my interest. Even the fart didn't do it for me, and I love fart jokes.

Steve

Two pages of piss on a wall.
So what's funnt here?
Unfilmmable prose and a fat joke and a fart one
Nicole Arbour would be proud!

Shows such as Simpsons etc. play that card from time to time, including a race between a fat and a skinny guy. So, I think it's a solid, recurring concept but I miss your own version, what stands out and makes it a complete sketch somehow. What's new?

Yikes. Yeah, this one wasn't very good...at all. I was confused by both the descriptions and the humor. Was this supposed to be funny because fat people are fat and like to eat donuts? I'm never above juvenile humor but this script was just lazy.

But hey, practice makes perfect!

I really wanna give this one no points at all, but for the life of me, I can't; it *did* make me laugh multiple times, albeit at how poorly it's written and how stupid the story is. That said, I did start to lose interest once the superhero angle came about, since the writer actually started trying, however marginally, if only to fit the challenge. I'll give a point for brevity too. It didn't waste that much of my time.

If this is a pisser, well-done. If not, it really deserves no points at all. I seriously can't imagine this took more than fifteen minutes to write.

First thing I asked myself was, “Why are the margins stretched on a two page script?” Unfortunately, there's not much more to say on this one. It feels tossed together.

Well, it's not a bad title. The script itself is a bit short. It's one and a half pages.

Sadly I wasn't hugely amused. But then someone else might be.

Seeing as there's a week to write, I would have expected a bit more story.

If it was filmed, if someone so desired, this may be a starting point for some comedians to improvise something. There should be more story for them to work with.

I've been away. I still am. But I will be back. Can't say when. Sorry.