Hey,
I've decided to read more features so I thought I'd start with this one.
I'm assuming this is the one you sold... If so is this the draft they'll be shooting?
Anyway, I enjoyed it. I thought it was funny and it was easy to read and follow. As always, I enjoy the way you write as well. I like your descriptions and it makes it an even more enjoyable read. Some may have complaints about it, but I don't.
SPOILERS:
I wish you had described Quinn a little better in the beginning. I understand he's a slob and a loser, but I still didn't have a clear picture of him. I did over time, but I would have liked to right from the start.
On page 5 I wasn't sure who it was that had the allergy attack. Quinn or Sydney. I know now it was Quinn, but it wasn't clear in the beginning.
Visually I find this script to be quite funny. I LOVE the red velvet matador outfit, lol!
Ditto that for Quinn's singing and dancing for Ashley.
When Ray and Quinn are at the tavern, I would have liked to see some quick flashes of the Parker couple, Kala and that other guy. Show us how they are still struggling in their various situations. While I was reading I was wondering what had happened to them. They come back later of course, but at that time I felt you had forgotten about them. Just a thought...
I was a little confused about the money case. I thought Quinn gave it to Ashley at the tavern, but then he has it with him in the car with Ray later.
You use the word lounges a few times, but I believe you mean lunges.
I felt that Ray's reason for all of this was sort of weak. Making people commit suicide, killing people and so on was never really explained. Is he just a psycho or does he have some other motivation? Did I miss something.
You mention the drug Paxil. You might want to show the bottle with the name on it, but have him call it an antidepressant. I had to look it up so unless people know what Paxil is, that joke might be lost on people.
I think Maria's sudden change came out of nowhere. I didn't really see Sancho do anything for her to change her mind.
All in all, I think you did a good job. I was entertained reading it and I'm sure people will enjoy watching it on film.
Pia