All Nature Sings by Clayton Foy Udd - Drama, Pyschological - A geography teacher on sabbatical discovers proof through unusual encounters of a global deluge, faith, and a coming kingdom. 93 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Clayton, I'm not sure if you're around so just a few initial thoughts:

I'd personally delete January, 2019 from your title page. If your script hasn't seen the light of day before this and it doesn't need updating to present day, it's going to be more sellable if you give it a 2023 date. And delete your phone number too. Email is sufficient for contact details.

Your logline needs a revamp so it's more enticing. I'm thinking maybe it relates to a 'second coming' but I'm really not sure and wouldn't be able to tell from that logline what your story is about and be able to relay it to someone else.

I read up to about page 30.

Dialogue and descriptions are easy on the ear.

Your Prologue (I'm guessing that's what it is) hasn't enough context e.g. where are we in the world etc. Is it a recurring dream or reality etc.

My other thought was it's taking quite a long time to really get into the story and hit the inciting incident point. The New Mexico dig seems to be the goal of where the real story is going, but like I said it's taking a while and for a script of 94 pages the first 30 could be tightened up a lot. That's basically only an hour to tell your main story.

Be aware to make sure all the conversations had between your main character John, and others are absolutely necessary. Make sure those conversations will end up giving weight to the rest of your story.

Example : Is it necessary that we have the preamble with John picking up Alyssa late; the Cretaceous/facetious thing is cute, but will it pay off? Likewise all the stuff on the plane with the Old Woman about her dog; needing to use the facilities etc. ?

John lecturing in class could also be pared back as could the class graduation scene.

Finally your description of John:
... a medium length mismanaged combover and a moustache.
Okay, so he's prematurely balding. Maybe a man out of his element, a bit stuffy maybe. Hmm, thinking you could give us more. Maybe what he's wearing is completely at odds with where he finds himself.

Anyway, hope some of this helps and welcome to SS.