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Yeah, would consider breaking the feature up into two parts at least to not deter readers. But as Drongo mentioned, nobody can read it all at the moment on that Download link.
I always prefer scripts to be uploaded to this site in just PDF format.
Not very reader friendly in its current state. You tell us it’s a scene in every action block, and you have action formatted as dialogue and your ellipses are way too long, all on page 1.
As you’ve been told, it’s way too long as a feature and will be a hard sell. If you genuinely want people to read it then it needs cutting and a lot of tidying up.
Die Hard, What's the Worst That Could Happen..... That kind of movie.
I'm not sure if "Tyrant Escape" is an actual genre.
Quoted Text
Can you read the description?
Your description doesn't explain why the script is so long. Four hours is a miniseries, not a movie.
Putting aside the 239-page thing, my recommendation is you write this in your native language (if you didn't already do that to begin with) and then try to interest a local producer.
None of those in the English-speaking world will read past even the first few lines of this.
Are you not sure or are you just being coy? Wait the genres are on the right..... I didn't say the genre was tryant escape. I said it was Action Drama Comedy. And you didn't even notice that? Don't harass. Leave.
Do people talk like this:
Emotions: some, blah, blah blah.
Concerns: These.
Conclusion: No. Stop harassing. Leave.
As to say there's a tyrant in the movie. Lead characters try to escape. Why is that not an expression. Leave now. Do not harass longer.
Sometimes candid comments can be a bit on the abrasive side and hard to hear. Most people mean well however, when they give feedback as to obvious errors. It's for your benefit.
There are two main things you do need to take away from the general consensus of feedback given so far.
You want to be successful so you need to maximise your chances.
Writing a Spec script of this length is generally not marketable. You need to edit it a lot, or present it in episodes or chapters. Your page count for specs should come in around 110 pages, or less
Your script also needs to be as close to Industry Standard as possible. At the moment it is not.
You are the writer, so writing these unsure instructions is not how it's done: 'a scene may be hovering' or ' 'scene quickly jumps' or: 'Bucum may look up not necessarily into camera, but...' 'scene cuts to the roof's ... etc. - these preambles/directions, etc., don't belong in a script.
You need to visually direct the scene and just write what you want us to see in a scene, with a specific scene heading, not give options of what you think might be, or might not be happening.
Ditch the camera directions.
EXT. WILLIAMSON’S BOAT – DAY (BRIEFLY LATER)
'Briefly later' doesn't belong in a scene header. Later is sufficient.
When you introduce a character CAP their name on introduction, and give us a brief description.
EXT. ROAD TO PRISON – DAY (NOW MORE INTO DAY BRISK SUN HAS ARISEN MAYBE LOOSELY ON THE HORIZON
This (above) should be something like: EXT. BUS - DAY
Scene heading, then description.
Example: Travelling along an uneven dirt road. Bucum is jostled around in his seat. He peers out of the window to see the sun cresting the horizon.
As the bus takes another turn, Bucum catches sight of an imposing building ahead - then describe the prison, the concrete facade, lined with razor wire, guards wielding rifles on the rooftop perimeter, perhaps.
Write in your native language? Heh heh Have you ever been insulted buddy? By what! Explanation? No..... By not explaining. By no foresight of speech. No reasoning. They expect that they can literalize every or any- thing they so called witnessed? Everyone knows what you're doing. And by this time the whole insult is formed so what am I missing? Stop trolling.
I suggest...... Native language. If you haven't..... What the heck is? Not very.... How can it not come across as the way you wrote it? Is sufficient. Sufficient almost always lands with a fancy stop. Do it when you're cutting back from yourself not others. Adding onto an enviroment of critiques is a natural red flag. A surmising? Why not hate? From you.
I can only assume what I would naturally. As these are minor. And haters from around the world don't hate here. Hmm. That's not a wise assumption. Don't be dumb and not clearly speak the way you would naturally.
It's 101 for trolling. Please. Get out. Do not post again. It's obvious!
It's too buzzy! You should have time to act professional maybe on web but not talking about things which you have incomplete facts to.
It's called harassment. Tones are drilled into memory. And so using those phrases calls up malicious sarcasm..... Duh.
Arguing over briefly later? I know this is arguement. As it highlights the smallest possible detail? How could you notice. It is an expression in speech. How would you magically know about what professional is? Every script has mistakes. You are just trumping because you post on the internet. Stop. Are your comments formal? No. Sto stop trolling.
Like war veterans magically get involved with war scandals. So have foresight and show your wherewithal as a human. Which we should be on the fringe of doubting anyway. As people on the internet. Argue. For no reason. Stop.
No reason is wacky in my book. So don't do it. Not in my post. You don't know me. Be friendly. Criticizing professionality of headers falls under no reason and stop. 'Cause you are harassing. Oh later suffices. Ok Pepsi. Where's your slogan on your bottle? I don't see it. There can't be any line you're drawing. This is harassment.
What? Briefly later. Maybe it sets the tone for when I'm writing it. Why are you focused on yourself? Get out. Harassment. It's an exception. Recognized as such. It would take someone nitpicking to notice that. So why don't I call harassment.
You've never heard of people being picked up on the curb in the entertainment industry. And you're acting like this little bit matters. Red flag all the way. Leave.
If a script is recited four times faster than the duration is done four times faster. Stop trolling.
Write in your native language? Heh heh Have you ever been insulted buddy? By what! Explanation? No..... By not explaining. By no foresight of speech. No reasoning. They expect that they can literalize every or any- thing they so called witnessed? Everyone knows what you're doing. And by this time the whole insult is formed so what am I missing? Stop trolling.
I suggest...... Native language. If you haven't..... What the heck is? A surmising? Why not hate? From you.
It's 101 for trolling. Please. Get out. Do not post again. It's obvious!
It's too buzzy! You should have time to act professional maybe on web but not talking about things which you have incomplete facts to.
It's called harassment. Tones are drilled into memory. And so using those phrases calls up malicious sarcasm..... Duh.
Arguing over briefly later? I know this is arguement. As it highlights the smallest possible detail? How could you notice. It is an expression in speech. How would you magically know about what professional is? Every script has mistakes. You are just trumping because you post on the internet. Stop. Are your comments formal? No. Sto stop trolling.
I gave you solid and helpful advice. No harrassment. There is an Industry Standard all amateurs should adhere to if they want to be successful.
I sincerely hope you'll take a step back, read some professional scripts, and take the advice in the spirit it was intended.
Right. Reintroduce yourself instead of eating up a monotonously prosey speech periphrial which sounds completely sarcastic and not sincere. Dat. Dat. Dat. Dat. Dot. Daht. It's robotic. You're in the wrong mode to deny sarcasm. You don't know how to speak differently? As to your conveyance? Do not post. In plain english.
You roll on from your last comment. Dictating instantly what you said. Soft intros to denial naturally explain. Hard ones don't. You've never spoken softly? I don't believe that. It does what it does 'cause of how you say it. There is no way. After being formal in common phrases, explaining; as to dictating that I am offended: Am I going to listen to someone who strictly adheres to sarcastic ones. Thank you. Do not post.
My description explains exactly why the script is so long. If dialogue is fast duration is fast. Deduct. Did I add fancy jazz music that floats every scene? No. So don't assume what isn't logical dude. Any one can be criticized for their post on the internet and apparently everyone turns their head in a response dictating a fresh breath..... That does no good. I simply looked directly at your comment when referring. Remember speech works on the idea that you fast track tell referring to other instances. For connections to instantly paint the portrait. That doesn't lie buddy. Subconcious ok. But tells me how you must feel anyway..... Do not post here. Got it.
As I've said in my last post.
If you write it in the format of not serious. Seriously dude mentalities. Sarcastic phrasing. I'm sorry but..... Weak flimsy unconcerned.
Then that's just how it's gonna come across. So whatchu tryin' to say?........
I'll you dictate that I am writing bad I can dictate that you are trolling. Common sense. Never dictate. What don't have a mommy yet you can critique. Where do I find this magic breath resuscitation the ability to believe? I can't find such one. Do not post here. There was no magic star over the word find reviving your sincerity. Do not look for one. As only chronologicality permits.
I would never say where do I find? Unless already having been told. It's matched. Neutral. Deduct. Begin with it. Yet everyone does .... seems to be. Well, they want the pony magic. I can say it like that sarcastic person for flair. But I don't mean the sarcasm. No you didn't. Get out. Please do not post.
Firstly, I am not a dude, which you erroneously assumed.
Second point: Trolling the site of which I am a MOD, would be ridiculous.
I gave you good advice, as did others. If you inferred sarcasm and trolling from the advice I gave you, I am beyond bewildered and rest assured no further advice from me will be forthcoming.
Well ushering in an enviroment of awe by using firstly, is odd. All of a sudden we can't call you by a common name free to use by anyone. Shutting off as I have you in a corner as a woman screaming? Huh. Who isn't seeing red flags? Second point. Did you make a point? Why am I assuming this. Everything is targeted with fingers pointing through the premise on the target paper as if you need to prove you had a premise? Everyone has one. And now frank. As you deserve to be. You're assuming you deserve now. I'm supposed to gather that I'm being rude because I called you dude? Modders can't troll? As if police officers can't assault..... What? It's sick. That flag remains up. Are people in some kind of position abusive? I am insulted. And you're bewildered. You act bewildered? Maybe you ate some wilted vegetables. As you elude substance. Itsahl said like this. Insulting.
If I was this then why did I do this? Well, did you not listen? I said if you use common phrasing of those insulting then you are insulting. Yet it is almost dictated that briefly later is wrong. To which no one has disagreed yet. So how am I supposed to know to stay away from that?
I bet you will not respond as you are still being rude. That is a science. Oh. Let me filibust by adding another science. (Suggest) that we dissect neither. Then we can't say anything about what you said.
I listened, but will I respond, no. It's scripted it's too evasive. We don't believe. Meaning has rhythm if you dodge. Too many red flags.
The only thing I wish to hold someone to is the way they speak. Do I say oh your just refuse to listen? No. Because it's breathy. Anyone can say it. Without rhythm from anywhere before. It's dictating. And cheats to sound good just because it's delivery is tight and secure. Don't speak to me informal and say you're not edging on my nerves please. It's rude. I'm not a child. What if I was?
Any further nonsensical ranting, I'll just shut down the whole thread and you can go to some mythical place where you're pandered to and given false compliments.
If you want it left up, try engaging in adult conversation.
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All About the Diamonds - Script Review Exchange
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