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Full Exposure (currently 503 views)
Don
Posted: April 30th, 2019, 2:09pm
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So, what are you writing?
Location Virginia
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Full Exposure by Steven Burton - Short, Comedy, LGBT - A female artist asks a male photographer to pose nude for her project, which triggers other uptight challenges before he decides to pose with a twist at the end. 14 pages - pdf format
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Revision History (1 edits)
Don - June 19th, 2023, 3:22pmFull Exposure
Arundel
Posted: June 5th, 2019, 9:48pm
January Project Group
Location Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts 265
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Not sure why I enjoyed this but I did. Some dialog was awkward. Scenes in Jenny's loft could be shortened some. The scene between Tom and Richard in the bar worked well. Couldn't find a point to the subject but I guess that's what I find appealing. It was interesting enough without a clear objective.
Reply: 1 - 4
SBurton
Posted: August 20th, 2019, 3:04pm
Thanks, something to think about. The risk revealed with Richard perhaps is a clue. I think the story is about risk taking and the fear about that.
Reply: 2 - 4
eldave1
Posted: August 20th, 2019, 8:13pm
January Project Group
Location Southern California
Posts 6875
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Something's wrong with your format here - everything is off center.
EXT. OCEAN BEACH - SPRING DAY
Quoted Text
TOM JAMES, a handsome young man with a camera, stands alone to face the ocean.
Give us age with your character.
Quoted Text
After he quickly looks both ways, his pants unzip and then pisses on the sand.
Kind of awkward phrasing. The way you have it - his pants on pissing on the sand and unzippng by themselves.
Maybe.
After he quickly looks both ways, he unzips his pants then
pisses on the sand.
Reply: 3 - 4
Nomad
Posted: August 22nd, 2019, 11:19am
January Project Group
Location Southern California
Posts 721
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Steven, Comedy is subjective which makes it difficult to write, so I tip my hat to you for trying. I found no humor in this though as it was a series of awkward scenes filled with stilted dialogue. If you're still around and would like me to expound, just chime in. -Jordan
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