Clown by Lewis Eastwood - Short, Comedy - An emotional-support-clown wrestles with his own emotions after being hired to soften a break up.  7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Lewis,

A few technicalities first:

INT. CLOWN'S FLAT / ENTRANCE HALLWAY - NIGHT
INT. CLOWN'S FLAT - ENTRANCE HALLWAY - NIGHT

You have double Cs
DOUG (CONT'D) (CONT’D)
You can actually delete Character CONT'Ds (in your software)with dialogue altogether, makes for a more streamlined read.

You overdo ellipses.

DOUG
When you called this meeting...
LUCY
It's not a meeting.

That one above should really be an emdash/dash -
She appears to be cutting him off and interjecting.

Save the ellipses for when it's a thought trailing off.

REVEAL: A CLOWN sat at the head of the table making a balloon
bouquet of flowers. It's hard to tell his age with all the
makeup.

Technically this should be 'a clown sits at the head of the table...'
'Sat' 'Is sat' is a uniquely Brit thing. I know cause I'm married to one.

into each others eyes.  Add apostrophe to other's.

DOUG (CONT'D)
... called her a cunt.

Clown's fingers in his ears, very good. I love that Clown doesn't utter a word.
Maybe one of the balloons bursts at a pivotal moment?

Anyway, though the line above works, I'd be concocting a funny line rather than using an abrasive four letter word. Little additions like that is where you might get a laugh out loud moment and might also provide more about Doug's character - that he's a joker, and a good hearted guy. Think : The Young Ones (if you've ever seen it?) Think great Brit humour retorts - think Rik Mayal, Ade Edmondson, Ricky Gervais. Make it clever and unexpected. A 'boring self-entitled toffee-nosed little twat' used to insult a dog is way more entertaining than 'a cunt' imho. Up to you, of course but I think this is where you can showcase your comedic skills.

Despite a few quibbles this whole idea is comedy gold from the outset - using the Clown as mediator, and the first image we see, is terrific and I loved it.

I'd just finesse some of those lines.

Loved the choice of the ending, I kinda saw it coming but making Clown mad and then flipping it at the end is a good choice.

Very entertaining, and would make for a very nice self-contained Short on a budget.
Great stuff, hope to see you respond.

Sorry didn’t have a chance to read just yet but I love the premise!

What a strange little story of resentment and parity. I loved the clown doing French mime. But the sadness that lurks within turns to bitterness. Very unclown like. Good writing and plot but a few issues with the Cont’d Cont’d Good job well done.

I liked the idea of an emotional support clown. It just struck me as hilarious. I imagined bringing one to the office and the looks I would get.

As the story went on, I found myself relating to the clown. The subtle yet touching ending spoke volumes.