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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  To The Last Detail
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Posted: January 25th, 2019, 8:30am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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To The Last Detail by Christina Katsiadakis - Short, Dramedy - A depressed mother finds a rather uncustomary way of making sure her family has nothing to worry about.  11 pages - pdf format

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Posted: February 1st, 2019, 11:59am Report to Moderator

Nottingham, UK
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Hi Christina,
it's an interesting short story! I'm not sure why Gabriel decided to keep the requested flowers always in stock? Wouldn't that be a high expense for a funeral home after 15 years? I was expecting some kind of a twist in the story but instead she just died after 15 years.

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Posted: March 18th, 2019, 12:54am Report to Moderator
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Just some little stuff, but it kind of sticks out:

"INT. DAY/ FUNERAL HOME"  should be location THEN time of day, for all slugs. eg INT. CAT HOUSE - NIGHT

"ELSA walks in. She is not wearing black, or sunglasses and she looks very tired." Why would you specifically describe what she ISN'T wearing? I know it's a funeral home, but it's better to have "positive" descriptions of what she IS wearing, rather than isn't -- leave no specifics upturned.

"Elsa looks around, nervously playing with the ears of her folder" Ears?

"A couple of days later"  - how do we know??

I'm halfway through the script and the words "not customary" etc have been used too many times. We get it, it's a weird request.

I'm stopping here because I'm realizing English isn't your first language and it's not fair. I didn't get into the conceit and the language is too distracting. Please keep practising.

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