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May I ask why Bobby P. was not also named as an author? He had a big part in the making of the script. And I think he deserves to be named as co-author.
Gerlinde,
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Gerlinde - I liked the story. I'm a smoker so maybe it's more relatable to me.
I'd have the dude spending a little more time - in a panic - searching the house trying to find that one stray cigarette.
It's not a good idea to repeat your location. It is a waste of words and slows down the read. i.e, take Dustin's advice here. I can find typos in pro scripts - doesn't mean I'd put them in mine
Look for more vibrant - more efficient - words. It'll make your work pop more.
Let's look at the opening as an example.
Quoted Text
INT. BEN’S LIVING ROOM - EVENING 1
A dirty living room that has not been cleaned for a long time.
Could simply be:
Filthy.
Quoted Text
Empty beer and liquor bottles are lying on the floor, the table, and the broken sofa.
lying - meh. How about "scattered"
Or something like that - point being when you go through your second draft look at the words you use to see if there isn't something more descriptive/active that could replace it - especially when it comes to verbs.
Quoted Text
This is the space of someone who has given up on life.
It's not a good idea to repeat your location. It is a waste of words and slows down the read. i.e, take Dustin's advice here. I can find typos in pro scripts - doesn't mean I'd put them in mine.
Why should not I do something that professional screenwriters do? Because I write for pleasure? That does not mean that I do not want to try to write according to professional standards! I try to do my best.
Why should not I do something that professional screenwriters do? Because I write for pleasure? That does not mean that I do not want to try to write according to professional standards! I try to do my best.