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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  Dead Serious
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  Author    Dead Serious  (currently 246 views)
Don
Posted: July 4th, 2023, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dead Serious by Chuck Conaway - Short, Dramedy - Hitman en-route a contract assignment picks up a stranded motorist who turns out to be a Serial Killer. 8 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required


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Stoneyscripts
Posted: July 5th, 2023, 8:39am Report to Moderator
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Pushing boundaries

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Are you serious?!

I feel like I've been slapped in the face with a wet fish.

This could be so much better, if you'd have introduced a drawn out mind game with Webb and Kresko.

A couple of little typos in there also.

Page 5 - "Why no motel?"

"Kresko toys with him" (Show don't tell)

It just felt a little rushed to me, but enjoyed the read.

Thanks.


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LC
Posted: July 5th, 2023, 5:13pm Report to Moderator
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Stoney, the Writer doesn't want comments on this one. I'll leave it up for now but if the Writer objects I'll take it down. Likewise if there are other comments.


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