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sup, i wrote this script a year ago but just decided to post it, it's a violent story of a Cowboy/hitman who is hired to kill a bartender in the old west. i wrote it after finally watching the 'El Mariachi' movie.
Those who believe that they are the best, the most popular, the go to guy, those are usually the ones who need the most help.
Just like your script, and your quote... "People don't change, the times do" I felt that this script could be a modern-day script instead of an older western...
Which isn't a bad thing, but I'm not sure that is what you were going for,
Why do I say that?
Well, where is the old western slang?
You know, words like yellowbelly, sasbarella (sp?).
You can do a google search for 'old western slang". I think it would improve your script a great deal.
It may be just me but, you threw me with the Fedora hat. When I think Fedora, I think a detective's hat. They were felt... When I think cowboys, I think cowboy hat, made out of suede or leather...
Also some type o's grate - great, I taught - I thought.
Something in his drink that ate away the guy's face??? I know there was gunpowder back in the day, they had fist fights used guns and knives, but I don't know about acid. It just didn't seem right to me.
You had a strong first page. I really liked it, but I think the rest of the script still needs some spit and polish.
Let me know if you do a rewrite.
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Thanks, Cindy, i just want you to know that i didn't really have enough time to go over the gunslinger's background story, maybe he wears a Fedora because he's not from the west, maybe he's a city htiman who was sent down to the desert.
the whole slang thing, i didn't really want to go to far into that because it was a short action, if i was writing it a little longer i probably would have written in those words.
and the whole acid thing, i just wanted to make my script as violent as a Robert Rodriguez or Quentin Tarantino story.
anyways, thanks for the comment, and I'm glad that you like my script, i hope you're able to read more of my scripts to come.
Those who believe that they are the best, the most popular, the go to guy, those are usually the ones who need the most help.