I'm so sorry you pulled that out as it's a great entry, Dena. And what's best - someone can film it.

The only thing I think in terms of feedback here - you could have the Dad say it's Azazello first. Otherwise, it's a bit of ON for me at the end.

Thanks guys and girls for reading this and giving me some notes. I do plan on cleaning it up. It was last minute as always and I do like the story, heck, maybe I'll film it one day

Hi Dena,

This is a really great story.

The dialogue could definitely use a bit if tightening up, but it has the bones of a great piece.

Just a few things, I'd lose the slow mo, not so much because it a camera direction, more because I don't think it adds anything.

I think if you wanted a slow mo this is where I would put it.

Quoted Text But they are gone.

So I don't think they should both be gone, as that's not really how it works. I think the Angel should go and her lifeless body should drop to the ground or maybe into her father's arms, as if just her soul/essence, whatever you want to call it was taken. I think this would make more sense, and be more effective in slow motion if you were that way inclined.

Anyway, they are really small issues.

Regardless it's a solid script.

Thanks Warren. I need to give it a rewrite. May film this one day myself. Appreciate all the feedback.

A little excited.  I'm going to be filming this in January!! Working on rewrite from these great notes.  

I look forward to seeing it.

The hardest part is that I am looking to find someone to make real mechanical feathers ... an open span of 7 feet... that will open and close smoothly.

Produced:

Dena,

Very nice.  Well done.  Congrats.

Ditto to that!

Dena, I admire you for getting stuck in and doing it for yourself.

Tip of the hat, Dena!

Nicely done.

This was:

Excellent!!! Excellent!!! Excellent!!! Excellent!!! Excellent!!! ... ... ...

From his point of view, the bad angel was completely evil.

From the little girl's point of view he was an angel of light.

What a beautifully done short.

You should be proud of yourself.

Sandra

Liked this a lot, the duality was excellent.

Good job!

Thanks guys.. and girls.. it was VERY hard to SHOW the different POVs with what I had to work with. After you film something you always realize there are plot problems.. unbelievable problems... things like that. I wish one day that I can learn to catch those type things ya know. It's so hard with your own writing to find those things.. that's why notes like we get here on ss are so IMPORTANT. Enjoyed filming it. Learned a lot. Again. LOL

Congrats !