Thanks Anthony - appreciated, glad you liked it.

Question Anthony. What was with all the innuendo at the beginning? It seriously sounded to me like Da Vinci and that waiter were having some kind of affair which was jarring and threw me off right away. Was that intentional or did I read it wrong?

Da Vinci's sexuality was ambiguous, when he was young he was arrested and charged with sodomy

Sorry, that posted before I finished...

And I wanted to show him in a same sex.scenario where it's normal but the other guy just isn't into the genius inventor

Thanks to all who read Renewal. I wanted to try something different and was happy with it. Was gonna do a comedy and had a good idea for one but the zombie thing hit me from nowhere and I ran with it.

Aopogies for the third death - it was a complete overlook when I finished up and submitted. Hours later I was in bed and suddenly twigged. I offered to resubmit with a quick edit but the boys let it slide.

Also a couple of reviews wondered why the young people went to the church? Simple, Rachel wanted to release her folks from the zombie life by killing them.

Cheers to my opponent Cam and good luck to all in the next round

[quote=ajrscreenworks]

Congratulations to Warren who wrote a superior script, and I'm excited to see what he comes up with for the next round.
/quote]

Thanks, ajr!

So I obviously wrote Retired, I'd say it's the most ambitious thing I've ever written and it's construction was painfully hard.

Anthony, I can't remember what you asked that it was inspired by, but whatever it was the answer is no. It was inspired by a script I read by Richard Russell from SS a long while back. I loved the structure and have been keeping it in the backing my mind.

As far as whether it's a gimmick or not, I really don't think so. I mean, in a sense it is because it messes with the normal structure of a film but for this particular short it changes the whole dynamic.

If told in the correct order we would know why the pro is killing the cops. By switching it around that all remains a mystery. I personally felt that would be the page turner, why did Malloy die, why did Lawson die, why is there a bloody prostitute, how did this sequence of events get to this?

As far as giving the reader some kind of visual clue like a clock, or signifying the time change in the slug, I purposely didn't do that and don't think it was at all necessary. I wanted the reader to have a similar level of initial confusion that someone viewing this would have. We see Mallory die, then the next minute he's alive, it forces you to think about it. I personally think that would be a much more enjoyable film to watch than one being force fed to you.

Looks like it worked for some and not so much for others. Either way I'm really happy with this and consider it one of my best pieces of writing to date.

Looking forward to the next round.

I see we are outing although I haven't seen a complete who wrote what list.

I write Fiesta Muerta - thanks to all who read and commented.

PK - Thanks for the kind words. I really do appreciate it.

But I Love You is a result of two different ideas mixed together.  Obviously it didn’t work for some people since the most negative feedback was about how annoying the narrator was. Without the rhyming it would feel too generic to me and I needed it to stand out, not only against my opponent but in this entire round. You don’t even want to know how many times I went over the timing of it all in my head.

Confused how one person missed the rhyming entirely though.

@Stevie, so you do write stuff other than drunken men and parties! Congrats - messed you up with Cam for that reason.

Quoted from khamanna @Stevie, so you do write stuff other than drunken men and parties! Congrats - messed you up with Cam for that reason.

Lol cheers K.  I have written some other horror shorts for past owc. It’s a new challenge away from comedy.

Thank you to everyone who pointed out all the issues with "From Old Friends and New"! I was able to pass the first round with "The Confession" simply because my opponent that time didn't put up anything. But I am very happy that I did since that way I got fair and honest feedback on this one which has already helped me with my writing! I really, really appreciate it! Truth is my script had tons of issues which made it difficult to read, but now that I can see that I can actually try to not repeat those mistakes in the future. On other platforms I sometimes get feedback from starters who do similar mistakes so they are never really pointed out. Here, that thankfully wasn't the case! So, my appreciation to the forum and the tournament! I do not regreat signing up, this was great and extremely helpful!

Oh and @Anthony: Leo was great, I voted for it! But on a side note: thanks for the opportunities links you post every week! Looking through one of them out of boredom I got re-directed to another craigslist post which ended up in a part-time trailer check opportunity at local theaters! And I love trailers! So those posts definetly don't go to waste.

Thanks, Martin for liking Leo and appreciating the opportunities links, glad it led you to the trailers thing!