The King of Tracks by Kadjo Messou Michel Arsène - Family, Sports, Adventure - A passionate young boy and a stray greyhound, determined to prove their worth, unite to overcome financial obstacles and defy his mother's strict prohibition, in a thrilling race to win the prestigious title of King of the Tracks. 140 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I read the first ten pages. This story has some serious charm to it. I was pulled in and felt some a lot of sympathy for The Dog. Seeing The Dog's reaction to being laughed at or being suggested that it could find a master was heartbreaking. And to think that I was moved in only ten pages.  I will likely continue reading this. However, I don't have a lot of time for reading this week as I am trying to launch a couple of projects of my own. I wanted to post some advice while this post is fresh and you see it.

Your margins are not set correctly. I don't have the correct settings memorized but I know they can be looked up. Part of the problem may be that your page size is a little narrower and longer than what I am used to. I'm used to 8.5"x11".

Your title page needs contact information. Your e-mail address is enough. A producer needs to contact you to produce this.

Personally, I think this would be better if you gave the dog a name and treated it more like a character. After all, it does have a speaking part and action lines that reveal emotion.

Also, I am a little confused at the beginning. I'm guessing that the restaurant dog is watching Goldie on a screen and imagining itself as a track star. If so, that needs to be clarified in the action text.

And another thing. You should not put (Barking) in the dialog for the man unless it is the man who is barking. I would add "He tries to talk over the barking." to the end of the preceding action text.

I am hoping you follow my advice and re-format this. I suspect you used a word processor. If so, you should switch to a screenplay writing software package. They are easy to use, will set your margins correctly and make the whole effort easier. They usually can import a PDF and getting it into the proper format only takes a few hours. It's not like you need to write it over from scratch. Also, edits are much easier. There are free packages available on the Internet.

Presentation is important when trying to get something produced. Proper margin settings are an important part of the presentation.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read the first ten pages of my story and for your detailed and constructive feedback. I'm glad that the character of the dog touched you and that the story has captivated you in such a short amount of time.

I take note of your obsrvations. Thank you also for the reminder about the importance of presentation details for a professional submission.

I will add my contact information to the title page to facilitate any potential contact with a producer. I will also explore using a screenwritting software to ease formatting and presentation. your advice is very valuable, and i will follow it to improve the quality of my work and update the project next week.

Thanks again for your help and encouragement. I'm delighted to know that you plan to continue reading, despite your busy schedule.