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Please Recycle by Tolofari - Short, Comedy, Spoof - No class of individuals is exempt from the fight towards a cleaner, greener earth. 1 page - pdf, format
Yeah, you've got some formatting problems but as far as the read, pretty funny.
I suggest a line stating that the dumpster is plastic in a new paragraph following the shooters getaway. It's a way of showing that the camera is still on the dumpster without using the word, "camera" in your action lines.
A bit of a clean up and you've got a nifty little short on your hands. Good job, man. Savin' mother earth, haha I can dig it.
Yes, I liked that as well, and also agree on the formatting. It would have made a sound entry in the Movie poet one page challenge, if formatted. You will find an example in my link below with my script Alone, may help.
You could even extract a tad more comedy, if the handle was wooden for example, as he painfully has to decide whether wood or metal etc all while the police arrive. Indeed, I could see this expanded to two pages as they debate which one, whilst the gunman suddenly realises and makes a silent break for it.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Thanks guys for all the comments. I'm glad you all found it funny. And yeah, "1 page" was part of the hook. I'll definitely take y'alls advice about formatting. PEACE!.
Thank you guys for your comments. I'm glad you all found it funny. And yes "1 page" was part of the hook. I will definitely take y'alls advice about formatting. PEACE!
Tolofari, I cracked this open and was going to stop when I saw the big block of text but as it was only half a page I continued lol.
Obviously you need to break this up and then you'll have a half decent little skit. It's kind of stupid but that's what makes it funny. Not much else to say for a 30 second piece.
Not bad.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Whoa, that’s a big block of action lines after the aerial view of the city. Break them up into blocks of four lines each or less.
Having said that, the writing is actually quite good and it’s a funny scene too. Which is a shame since most people are going to be completely turned off by the presentation that they probably won’t even bother reading it.
More suited to a sketch comedy show, a skit or something, then an actual short script but I guess there is no forum for that on the boards so it goes in here.
I cannot add to any of the other comments, suffice to say I enjoyed it. Could possibly make a good government information advert. Although I am sure anti gun campaigners would be up in arms over it... but it would definitely work in getting the relevant message across. Nice piece of work... aside from the obvious formatting issues.