We Will Meet by Your Secret Admirer - We will meet, someday soon. It will terrify you.  Short, Horror

Writer,

My apologies, but I kinda got lost here as things seemed to be real then a dream. I kinda got what was going on, but it was a bit disjointed and hard to follow along, so… A decent effort, but I really didn’t follow on the reasoning for Scott doing what he did. Was he a jilted lover? Just crazy? A little more info, and it really wouldn’t have taken that much, would have gone a long way here.

Steve

Never heard of this song. Google kept wanting to take me to Vera Lynn: We'll meet Again. Anyway here's the music link -
https://youtu.be/4A6N04mkokA?si=yTzBCK-3aNXVOcP3

Good for you for closely aligning the the lyrics with your imagination and a narrative that fits.

This is really creepy.
I think it could benefit from a little more clarity, maybe think of elaborating on some plot points in another draft, perhaps giving it a bit more elucidation.

That said I did like it because it is so creepy.
Obviously (at least this is what I think) it follows along the lines of: If I can't have you, nobody can.

Naomi's trying to move on but Scott won't allow it, even going so far as to pretend to be Randy after they have a first date. Scott lurks everywhere though - in the shadows, in Naomi's bedroom, behind bushes.

A rather bleak tale with a ghastly ending.
You effectively reproduce the nightmare, however I'm not sure what the takeaway message is.

I never thought I’d say I was happy to read a horror/slasher script, but this actually saved me from all the sobbing reading the tear jerkers LOL. Also, as Libby mentions above, this is the first offering that actually used the song lyrics to craft a story (although that wasn’t a criteria). I liked that.  The writing on this is very tight and serves to elevate the tension of the stalker. Nice job with that too. Overall, this is well written and though the ending is graphic, it seems fitting given Scott’s psychotic obsession. Excellent entry. Thanks for sharing….I think. I’ll be turning on any lights available when I enter a darkened room for the foreseeable future.  

Cool concept. And, glad you shared the lyrics to start. That was VERY helpful.

That said, I did have to double back a few times to keep my bearings.

All in all, though, a strong effort with a unique take on the challenge. Big thumbs up for that.

Best,
Paul

Ok. My opinion only.

Didn't like the opening lyric verse whatever it was meant to do. No voice over. No direction.

So you set fire to things - no doubt this was creepy. Question is why?

Who is Scott talking to after a V.O. Is this supposed to be aside or can she hear his voice?

INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT. Is this a dream sequence or not. Wasn't sure tbh.

For me this short was all about one man's obsession with a girl who had rebuked him and his depraved mind wanted revenge. I might be wrong but that'[s my take.

Getting down to your writing style, I found it a little confusing and lacked proper direction.

Good luck though and thanks for sharing.

Hmm, the first page is the song lyrics, is this supposed to be on screen or a voiceover - you need to specify as this is a script so would need to be seen or heard by the audience in some way.

Well that was definitely a thing.

The writing is a little here and there but the visuals pack a punch, just not for me this one.

Hi Writer

I enjoyed this. A story crafted from the lyrics themselves, which were well used in the script to portray this guys psyche.

Not sure why others have been given the impression of a dream sequence, I didn't see anything to make me think it was a dream.
I really liked the playing around with time and not showing a linear story. It shows your imagination and bravery to play around with the narrative, both will serve you well.

You chose not to show us the whole plot and left it to us to fill in the gaps. Personally I think you show us just enough to do that, so great work.

The match-cut was a cool visual.

The ending it flames could have been a bit better to be honest, and ending on a maniacal laugh seemed a bit cringe.

Overall though, I enjoyed it.

Best of luck

SPOILERS

Neat song I've never heard.

I thought this was an excellent little vignette of murderous jealousy. My only "negative" reaction is that honestly, I liked the non-linear first half with the match cutting so much that it was a bit of a letdown to just settle into a sequence in the second half. I would love to have seen this short carry its parallels all the way through -- intercutting between a loving relationship developing and a murderous rage developing throughout, finally leading up to something like, potentially, a match cut between her and Randy staring into each other's eyes while making love and her staring tearfully at the face of Randy's corpse as they burn. Basically, the conceit of the first half was so good that I think it could make a full short.

Speaking of Randy, I dunno if it's just me, but I found both that and Scott to be poor name choices for the tone. That's a super subjective response, but just thought I'd mention.

Cool stuff, I liked this one a lot.

Reads well but don't like the content. The fractured back and forth style is okay. First thought was that the writer submitted a prose instead but then came upon the actual script.

Ahoy Your secret Admirer -Nope, haven't heard this one either. Thanks for the lyrics. That aside, when I first heard 'Every Breath You Take' by the Police - I thought it was a love song, well i guess it is for some. It all depends on how other's interpret it, but the truth of the matter - it was about stalking, and that's how I looked at this.

I'll be straight up - didn't care for the ending, sorry. I'm sure other's will luv it. Good job on entering. _ghostie gal

Boy, this is a sinister, creepy one.  A couple of things for me that I found a little off-putting about this script.  I'm fine with the lines from the song at the beginning, but using them pretty much verbatim throughout the script in voiceover doesn't work for me.  I suppose the reason is that I don't have any idea what the connection between Scott and Naomi is -- is he a former boyfriend?  A jilted suitor?  Why is he taking the actions he is? You had a full page left to flesh that out and I think in a rewrite you need to perhaps focus on that.

I'm also of the camp of "less is more" when it comes to things like (V.O.) or (beat), etc.  Think there's just a little too much here.  The best part is when he's able to talk with her directly.  I would suggest Scott seeing Naomi prior to his abducting her, trying to give her a chance to choose him, and she still spurns him.  Now we set up the climatic final scene and we at least understand what's behind it.

Decent writing on display here, just needs a little more focus.  Best of luck.

I kinda felt from the beginning this was going to be a gruesome vengeance story...without vengeance sex...which is the problem!

The story was well structured, but predictable...which is not necessarily a problem because it's more about how people will be punished, not that they will be punished.

With gas prices so high, I enjoyed his investment in the method of disposal which was much more inventive than throat-slicing. (Been there, done that.)

The only thing that I thought was unnecessary was the "maniacal laugh" at the very end.

If I may offer the author a thought for their consideration, perhaps something such as,  " a slow smile crept across his face in the warm glow of melting flesh."

Thanks very much for the read!

Scott's mutterings about being reliant are truly chilling, as is his declaration that he likes to burn things. This is gruesome but effective. I also like the opening where he is spying on Naomi and Randy.

The weird jumping around is something I attribute to Scott's madness. I was, however, completely lost with the reference to the MAN on the first page. Is this Randy? Someone else?

Writer,

That's what I liked about this challenge.  It has introduced me to music I've never heard of.   I think you did well incorporating the lyrics into the dialogue.  Getting set on fire is a brutal way to go.  You did a good job fleshing out Scott as a psychopath.  It was a fast, sinister read.    

All the best.