The Medication Is Wearing Off by Spoon & Rafter - After the death of his father, a small business owner comes to a crossroads about what to do next.  Short, Drama

Ahoy Spoon & Rafter -  Gotta admit I've never heard this song before - and I have no plans to google it. It's well written, and I luv its message - a good reminder that things like this happens to all of us, but it's important to keep going, pushing forward,  persevering, to find meaning again.

Can't argue with that. Enjoyed the read. Best of Irish luck! _ghostie gal

Hi writer

Heartfelt story nicely written. It was a joy to read.

I would probably have liked a bit more drama in it, more of s sense of this guy being lost and directionless. The watch links to the song but personally I would have made it a gift from his dad, so his dad is gone but the watch keeps ticking away.

Anyway, nice story. Best of luck

Leaves a lasting impression that's for sure.

The watch obviously is a symbol of time running out for everyone, amongst other things, however it would have carried a bit more weight and resonated more for me had the watch come from his father - given to, or left to him.

Some really lovely visuals especially towards the end.
And another interpretation of the song that matches well with the script.

I don't know... I wanted just a bit more. I might come back to this later for a second read.

P.S. I was reminded of another song The Drugs don't Work by The Verve which I love.

Another heart breaker here (and I love that!).  Such emotion packed into a few short pages.  Not to pick at your story idea, but I have to agree with others that it would give it a little extra punch if the watch was a gift from his Father or had been owned by his Father.  That would make the tick, tick, tick of time so much more heart-rending.

This story was well told, well written and, IMO, would film beautifully.  Nice.  Very nice.  

Kathy

I got the "better get down here" call for my mom last year, pretty much this exact scenario, so I for sure felt that moment in your script. And, yes, that's a moment almost all of us have to endure at some point.

The point is...this worked for me. The message is timely and universal.

Thank you for sharing. Very nicely done.

Best,
Paul

The title made me think this was going to be a comedy, but it wasn't.  Not much more for me to say on this one, unfortunately. Thanks for submitting.

Hey Writer,

So, well-written, nice opening descriptive line - "Mid-Summer countryscape greenery rushes past. Twinkling of sunlight on. shimmering lake"

And this, wonderfully concise - "DONNA (34), tranquil, about seven months along, glances over."

Yeah, this was an emotional ride. There's a lovely subtlety to the sadness.

Just the ending - a little ambiguous for my brain, didn't quite grasp it.

Anywayz, good work!

slight ticking of a wrist watch over black?

Like the writing style, but hate it when writers tell me what I can't see and can't here.

Just stick with show and tell.

Why does he hand her his wallet to get him some food from the sandwich bar? Has she no money of her own?

A bit emotive but a thought provoking little read.

This was well-written and poignant, I just thought it lacked some depth/drama to losing his Dad, maybe expand upon that in a future draft.

Writer,

Dealing with the loss of a parent is always a hard topic, and this more than reminded me of my situation many years ago. That said, the first four pages spelled it out well, but it ended a little abruptly for me. Somewhere in this, you could have made a deeper connection to the loss Travis felt, finishing with a greater sense of despair in the aftermath. As is, good. Could be a lot better with a few tweaks, imo. Good work.

Steve

I agree that with some others that the watch should be connected to the dad and not the wife -- and the watch is essentially a reminder that time goes on, even in the worst of circumstances.  Having been there with both my parents now, I completely feel the writing going on here.  It's a gut-wrenching situation and sometimes you're just completely in a fog with your demeanor, your actions, etc.  So I think you got that down well.

I'm even okay with the follow up scene in the town which I think is really just a way to get a reference to the watch, even if she does pull that line out of thin air.  Maybe a different line might have worked better, but what's there does the job.

God job here.

I really appreciate the craft of this script. I really love the line "The long day's last bird songs." This is more about feeling than plot, which I can understand, especially for a challenge like this. Nice reference to the watch and time at the end.

One small thing: for a moment I thought that Lorie was paired up with Travis. It seemed like Travis switched wives or something. Then I figured out that Lorie was just a worker at the deli.

Writer,

I could only find a cover of your song on YouTube by the Eels. Then I Googled it, and it says Spoon and Rafter is the fourth album by Mojave 3 . Anyways, it was a well-written, touching story.  The ending was my favorite part:  The book, reflection,  and lastly, his reference to the watch.

Take care.

Not much to say that hasn't been said but I liked it a lot. Nothing felt too forced or over the top and the writing was very tight.

Oh and like Arundel I was expecting a comedy haha

Good job!

A touching story. I wish the emphasis could have been more on
dad, Travis, the watch and their journey.
What if the watch was presented to his dad in retirement. And
dad passed it along to Travis. And with Donna's pregnancy, the
watch will be handed down to their child.
As a bit of a horologist, I would have liked to seen the watch face.
Is it an old Omega? A Bulova perhaps?
Got to be a timepiece that represents Americana of the '50s and '60s.

How Travis handles the watch, how it must feel in his hands, can be
measured by his expression.
And have him hold the watch to his ear. Definitely. to his ear. Just to hear
the ticking. Just the way we listen to a heart beat.

Nice bit of writing and I applaud the way you've handled the story.

I related to this story in that I went through the “Better get down here” moments with each of my parents. I got a little confused at times but it’s probably just me. I liked the watch reference even though it wasn’t connected to the father. In reading the other comments, I agree that it would have been more touching if it were.

Many commented they also received “the call” about a parent in I’ll health, where death was inevitable. This story, from start to finish, was exactly how it went down when I lost my dad. I used to own a deli — I got the call there. My wife, who was pregnant, and I went to see him one final time and I received “the call” at 4 in the morning.

We had to cancel a little weekend getaway for funeral services and what not. That was Memorial Day 2009. Later, around the 4th of July, we finally took that weekend getaway and that was where I first heard the song The Medication Is Wearing Off by the Eels. I instantly connected that song with my father’s passing, and all the emotions I was going through.

Maybe one day I’ll write a story about how my dad came back and visited his grandson when he was just a toddler. For another time.

Steve

Quoted from SAC Many commented they also received “the call” about a parent in I’ll health, where death was inevitable. This story, from start to finish, was exactly how it went down when I lost my dad. I used to own a deli — I got the call there. My wife, who was pregnant, and I went to see him one final time and I received “the call” at 4 in the morning. We had to cancel a little weekend getaway for funeral services and what not. That was Memorial Day 2009. Later, around the 4th of July, we finally took that weekend getaway and that was where I first heard the song The Medication Is Wearing Off by the Eels. I instantly connected that song with my father’s passing, and all the emotions I was going through. Maybe one day I’ll write a story about how my dad came back and visited his grandson when he was just a toddler. For another time. Steve

Ok, I'm on board for the whole story of your dad visiting your son from beyond - and you have hereby committed yourself to the writing of it.  I'll be waiting.