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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Front Line: Cambridge
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  Author    Front Line: Cambridge  (currently 896 views)
Don
Posted: May 5th, 2019, 11:32am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Front Line: Cambridge by Max Ruddock - Short, Comedy, Mockumentary - In a city better know for its high IQs than its high crime rate, we follow Cambridge's police constable support officers as they go face to face with some of the city's most notorious criminals. 35 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Arundel
Posted: June 5th, 2019, 7:23pm Report to Moderator
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The Police Academy/This is Spinal Tap vibe was appreciated, but the script didn't flow. It read like an instructor's manual. Dense. Too many words. Some of the characters broke through but not enough. There was a voice over/narrator and also a director not seen. Just pick one to feature.

Didn't see anything special about the location either. It takes place in Cambridge but just as easily could have taken place in any other city. The humor implied in the title of didn't come across the page. Wasn't able to see what was so special about it being Cambridge.
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Pleb
Posted: November 8th, 2019, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Arundel,

Thanks for the read and sorry for taking so f-ing long to reply, I haven't been on here for ages.

Cheers for you thoughts though, I really appreciate it and will take them on board in the next draft.

Yeah I can see why the Cambridge thing might seem a little odd, especially if you're not from the UK. Cambridge is essentially a small city that revolves around the University and although crime and stuff is hardly nonexistent, it's really tame compared to some of the larger cities like London which is what the show is essentially looking to emulate, but in a very over-egged way.

There's also a bunch of shows here in the UK that somehow pull in massive audiences even though most of the time the crimes committed are either a bit rubbish, or even if they're more serious the offenders tend to get off with little more than a slap on the wrist. And that's what we're trying to poke fun at.

Oh and the PCSOs are actually a real thing believe it or not. I don't know if you have them in the US, but we have a loads over here and the poor buggers are given very little respect.

Once again, cheers for the read, and point me in the direction of anything you've done and I'd be happy to return the read.

Max


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RobbieD
Posted: January 5th, 2020, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Max,

I liked this a lot, not only cause it's well written, but also cause I think our sense of humour is on the same page, and I'm from P'boro, Cambs. so I can picture the scene very well.  Man, parts of this cracked me up, the idea of LORENZO loose on the beat in the city is inspired.

Keep it up...

Rob.


MADAME DORA, CLAIRVOYANT (Horror, Short)
MALLORY GOODE  (Horror, Short)
DIRTY GRANDAD DOT COM (Comedy, Short)
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RobbieD
Posted: January 5th, 2020, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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... out of interest, how long did it take you to complete this Max?  It's fast and witty, and comes across as if it flew on to the page - that so?


MADAME DORA, CLAIRVOYANT (Horror, Short)
MALLORY GOODE  (Horror, Short)
DIRTY GRANDAD DOT COM (Comedy, Short)
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Pleb
Posted: January 13th, 2020, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Robbie,

Sorry for the slow reply, only just saw the notification for this as it was in my junk mail folder.

Oh wow you really are just down the road from me!

Glad you liked it. I think for most people it'll be a dud as they'll likely compare it to things like Brooklyn Nine-Nine anyways, but that's really not what we're going for with it and I'm chuffed to see we weren't just thinking in a vacuum haha

In fact the way we'd always pictured it was that if you came across it by chance you wouldn't even realise it's meant to be funny straightaway, if that makes sense? Tricky to get right though.

When it comes to how long it took, I wish I could say we banged it out over lunch but we spent shedloads of time on it haha

Thanks again for the read Robbie, appreciated.


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