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Good work. Liked this. And I like Fountains of Wayne, so there you go. Like the twist at the end, a lot crammed into five pages but it worked for me. Chewing something tough? Ha! Good one. Good work. Fun, clean and concise.
Thanks very much to all of you for the helpful suggestions as well as the kind words. Really enjoyed reading everyone's responses on this.
There's a moment in the Stacy's Mom music video where Stacy removes her shirt to reveal her bikini to the protag, but unbeknownst to her, protag is actually watching her mom undress through the window behind her. It's always stuck with me because I couldn't help but think what a nasty and humiliating moment this would be for Stacy if she knew what was happening. I thought these boys hanging out with a poor girl just to ogle her mom deserved some comeuppance.
Maybe it’s because Stacy ate more boys and has to stop eating for a while to become older. Just thinking out loud
This is what I was going for! A story of competition between these two monstrous people and the late reveal that what seems like the youth and innocence of the one is actually a sign of her excessive murderousness. Even amongst near-immortal killers, some have self-esteem and balance and some don't.
Solid script with a good twist. I went back to check if there were any clues about the mother-daughter dynamic in the early dialogue. It might be cool if there were some minor hint early on that mom was the daughter and the daughter was the mom.
You're very right. I had more of this and lost it to page count. All that remains is Stacy telling mom to "cover up," but it's not overt enough. Thanks for flagging.
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Stacy's Mom - OWC
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