Harsh Conditions by Dr. James Atherton - A man and woman, unknown to each other, accept the challenge of spending a week in a cave together for a large sum of cash.  Short, Horror

A strange payoff, but a surprising and entertainingly menacing one. I do however think that this could have been hinted at by the provision of weapons and some “What do we need these for” dialogue.

I was gonna compliment you on being one of the more produceable scripts but the ending kinda punts that — although one big VFX shot isn’t a bad way to go. On that note, this feels a bit like a sizzle reel kinda thing for a feature. Some character groundwork laid (and well, by the way) and a premise established. But as a contained short it doesn’t feel like this goes anywhere.

I dunno, I like the weirdness. I do think the ending kinda leaves us with — so they’ll be dead in three minutes and that’s the end of it. To fire the imagination it would help if we could imagine how they have a hope of surviving.

But honestly, I’d watch the feature where a group of people had to survive creature attacks in a cave for a crazy game show. And I like the dialogue in this. Some good stuff here.

Nice surreal shock ending.

Has Twilight Zone and old fashioned creature feature vibes, which is a good thing.

Well done!

P.S. Coincidence: I wrote a script with a character dressing for Halloween as Harley Quinn the other day - it went in the bin.  

P.P.S. I just read Chris's feedback and have to agree in terms of how horrific this scenario could be. Maybe write another draft, reduce some of the 'guess my name stuff' and have them discover what's lurking at the cave entrance. You'd need SFX but it's a lot more available to people these days.

Great concept, with a Hunger Games kind of feel to it!

As someone already suggested, you could reduce some of the dialogue not directly related to the story, and add some more hints throughout the script that foreshadow the horrific twist in the end. Also, you could probably set up the universe of the protagonists: is this some kind of alternate universe where giant spiders could exist? Is this a future where genetic engineering has become a common thing?

Food for thought...

I enjoyed this. Nice and simple and concise. The ending made me chuckle but couldn't decipher the Halloween element really.

This read more like the denouement to a feature rather than an opening scene. I mean how did we get there? You only tell us during the dialogue. And who is behind this game?

Oh man, Tarantulas are creepy as fuck, this probably won’t end well for them. If they weren’t shackled then then could use the cave as a refuge, but only until their provisions run out, then they have to covertly scavenge outside of the cave, of course that only works if the mouth of the cave is too small for the spider to get through.

I wonder what perverted game host is involved with this twisted scenario. It reminded me of the movie ‘Downsizing’ where peeps are genetically shrunk to almost nothing to survive in a minimalist environment, minimal from a standard viewpoint. Would be funny if there was only one enormous sized Dasani water bottle in there with a spigot on it, just to give us a hint that there not in Kansas anymore.

I say Dasani cause nobody wants to drink water that tastes like it was strained through a bag of nickels, just one more little nugget the game show host added on to their 'Harsh Conditions'

Definitely got a twist I didn’t see coming. Best of luck.

I was trying to figure out where Halloween came into it - Halloween-style cobweb
Well, that's that covered.

It reminds me of an old movie from the 50s actually called Tarantula   

Actually, the 50s had about five years where they made Big Bug movies. Also, the spider, the Mantis, and the Black Scorpion.

How were they chained? Were other humans sacrificing them to the spider?
A lot to explore.

Regardless another well-written script with a great twist at the end.
It's one of my favs

Great job on entering

Ahoy Dr. Athetron - Easy read, no potholes. This is going to sound like I am nitpicking... If anything, Halloween seems shoehorned in. This just doesn't cut it for me --(Halloween-style cobweb)-- but it would seem I'm the lone dissenter here. Anyhoo -- the writing is on point, and the ending was a pleasant surprise. I'd skip the guessing names bit, and use the real estate to enhance it even more like some other's have kindly suggested.

Overall enjoyed it very much. Best of Irish luck! -A

Dr. James Atherton, wasn't he the scientist in Arachnophobia, wonder if that's on purpose? Guess we will see!

Character descriptions feel a little lazy, but the interplay is funny as the setup is revealed.

Then WTF!

But at least it explains Dr Atherton

Not really Halloween related, but I did like the end reveal.  Kind of "Squid Games" with horror creatures.

I'm thinking you meant "scoping it out" and not "scooping it out" -- unless of course he's thinking about bathroom issues.

Fast paced and kept you wondering what they really did to get sent here, but then I got to thinking, well, wait, who would have the capability of sending these people to a cave where a giant tarantula resides?  And then it started getting in my head about who the people are behind all this -- so it makes me say, this probably would be a great long-version story, either as a TV series pilot or a movie.

Very good effort here - enjoyed.  Best of luck with it.

Writer,

Pretty good one here. The set up worked, writing flowed, dialogue written well. Only issue for me is… we’re they shrunk or just in a land where there’s giants spiders roaming free? That was perhaps the only issue here that could have used a little explanation. I know, I know. What does it really matter? Maybe not much at all, but for me I could have used the piece of info. Either way, very good!

Steve

This started out reading like a skewed episode of "Survivor" or "Naked and Afraid", you kept the suspense high.  As someone above mentioned, were they transported to a land of giants and then found to be placed as fodder for a pet tarantula?  You did at least shoe-horn in a reference to Halloween, not sure it was Halloween based, but still creepy and a fun read. Much luck with this!

I agree with some of the other comments. This has a Twilight Zone feel to it. It's pretty creepy. It seems like a story  that had a coat of paint brushed on the set to give it a remote link to Halloween for the OWC.

While there is a bit of SFX at the end, with some creativity and some computer model building, the effects could be done for a nominal cost. I'll admit, it will double your production cost but with one set, (freshly painted), your production cost is pretty cheap without the smooth pull-out from inside the cave.

If instead you had intercut between inside and outside the cave, with the dialog being continuous, then at the end pulled up to reveal the spider, your SFX costs just hit the floor. You could shoot the exterior shots with a cheap, plaster, landscaped cave, and a tarantula.

The ending seemed nice initially, but as I pondered over it, I questioned the connection between the challenge and the monstrous tarantula. Were the people lured with money to feed the tarantula? If that's the case, this strategy will only be sustainable for a short time.

Anyway, this was a decent story, apart from my apparent conceited thought.

Good luck.

Liked the payoff at the end as I'm a fan of Twilight Zone kind of entries.

I didn't like the dialogue too much. Didn't feel as if these were two complete strangers who just woke up in a strange environment after being drugged.

Otherwise, pretty solid.