High Octane Psycho Slutz by Resurrection - Two Valley Girls out for a midnight cruise inadvertently pick up an unwanted guest.  Short, Horror, Comedy

Love the title page.

Thought I was going to be treated to a hysterical five minutes. Unfortunately it was a bit of a let down - over exuberant dialogue and nonsensical banter that I just didn't find very funny.

I'm sure others from your side of the pond will probably love it. Just not my cuppa tea I'm afraid but that isn't to say it isn't comedic.

The writing itself was fine and you obviously know your shit, otherwise why would you even bother?

Ahoy Resurrection -- luv the title page. The good: read it very quickly, meaning it flowed nicely, nothing outstayed its welcome except some of the jokes. Some good little details - dialogue has a good zip and zing to it, not annoyingly clever, just right... for the most part. Clearly this was done by a SS veteran, and overall a fun entertaining read. The bad: I liked it, just didn't luv it.  
Anywaz - good job. Best of Irish luck! -A

I really thought this was going to be the Halloween musical we were all longing for.

BRANDY
Is that how you’re gonna kill us?
Bore us to death with unnecessary
exposition?



Wouldn't 'Death' love the bad guys? Apparently even he draws the line.

Hit and miss with the zingers for me.
A very colourful entertaining entry.

P.S. The nitpicker in me is not fond of semicolons in screenplay dialogue.

A nice "Rocky Horror Picture Show'esque" script, dynamic, crazy and fun!

The only part I would reconsider is the "Gloryhole" scene: that may be a bit too graphical for a mainstream audience, and it would probably drop the MPAA rating without bringing much to the story. One thing is funnier than provocative blasphemy, and that is subtle provocative blasphemy; I think we can agree on the fact that the dangling, torched "junk" of a priest isn't exactly a subtle spectacle

Apart from that, good job!

Just a bit too much of the one-liners for my taste.  Had a promising start then descended into just a series of punchlines which really didn't add much to the story.  The writing was not an issue per se, just that it meandered too much and lacked real direction.  For girls that are about to die -- I mean, Death came right out and told them he was going to do them in -- the girls didn't seem to care.  Maybe eliminate some of the punchlines and tighten it up a little, and this might stand out a little more.  Best of luck with it.

Set out to be a decent premise certainly original but as far as the comedy it just didn't work for me.

I think you should keep up with the dumb sluts routines or at least one but they majored in Latin and the other studied Liberal Arts which comes to the part :

DEATH
Hmm? I’ve been itching to take down
a pack of Vatican spies. Maybe I’ll keep you around for a while.
SELINA What ev’s.
BRANDY
I studied Liberal Arts.

Did I miss this joke somewhere?

Great writing overall with a rewrite you could make this a lot funnier

I think you did miss the subtle joke there, Mark.

I thought the liberal arts line (and then she gets popped) was pretty funny. Which is why I'm jumping on now to say so.  

Yeah, straight over my head

Thanks, Libby

The titlepage graphics are impressive to say the least. The moon in the background with a light shining from beyond the horizon gave it a sci-fi rather than horror feel. Your choice of colors are first rate. The drop shadows, reflections and background glow make the text stand out and easy to read. That may sound obvious and easy but it isn't. It takes a bit of training and I've seen enough of it done badly to know that it takes considerable training and practice to get it right. Nice job.

The characters were well developed. I could feel the frustration building in Death. I agree that the glory hole seemed out of place and unnecessary. Without that, it was a G or PG production fit for television, albeit late-night television.

That is some title page! AI generated?

Saying, Midnight Halloween, in an action line doesn't make it so unless we see it or a character says it.

But the rest of it was pretty damn funny in a surreal way.

Very funny,  but too wordy. Drop a few pages of dialogue and I think you’d be in the right place. Good writing all the way around.

That’s a sweet ride in the title pic, man… wish I had a Sunday Night cruise machine like that, I get the feeling life would take on a whole new meaning. I know a dude who builds race cars, seriously… he and his cousin had a ’65 Corvette featured on the cover of Hot Rod magazine, dude's a genius with machines.

Anyway, yeah, Valley Girls… where to begin. They’re annoying, but I don’t think they still talk like that, do they? In the ‘80s for sure, or “fer sure”, I would have liked to hear some more whiny/witty banter from them coupled with a bunch of genuine slang phrases from that era, would make for a funner ride, no pun intended. But I guess you had a destination and needed to get there fast, pun intended, and just drove through till the end, lol.

OK, yeah, I guess knowing Latin would definitely be a plus skill if you’re going to insert yourself into the Vatican City, the only place on Earth that still recognizes Latin as an official language, and Death having this strange fear of religious iconography could just send his minion inside to lure out his prey one by one.

Glad Brandy was beheaded, didn’t appear like she had a very bright future in the end, lol. Best of luck.

I have to agree with Maroun above that a couple scenes here were a little too graphic for my taste - but that's JMO.  I did get quite a few laughs though and couldn't help but picture Elle Woods from "Legally Blonde" worrying about a ruined designer sweater rather than the murderous fact at hand.  And then there was the line:  Bore us to death with unnecessary exposition".  Wow - as someone who may be chronically guilty of that, that really stung -  

The cringe worthy innuendos and only a passing reference to Halloween aside, I liked this one.  And that title page - wowza!  I really need to upload the latest version of Final Draft so I can get in on some of these cool graphics.  Thanks for sharing with the OWC writer.  

That title page totally rules dude... or dudess.

I got plenty of laughs outta this, highlights --

BRANDY
Is that how you’re gonna kill us?
Bore us to death with unnecessary
exposition?  

BRANDY
I studied Liberal Arts.

Quickly, Death draws his Scythe from beneath his cloak and --
SLASH! Decapitates Brandy on the spot.  

I love how quickly that disgusts Death.

Probably just Deaths manner of speaking being so similar to the girls would be my only gripe but I get that you wanted to keep the humour on the same level.

Enjoyed this a lot.