Daughter by Holly Waits - A young woman's grief at her father's death leads to a terrifying ordeal.  Short, Horror

The shortest by far!

Simple and straightforward. A lot left here for the director to do, and I think if you were expanding on this it would be hitting the thematic elements harder — I dunno if the unpaid bills are necessarily enough to build the character stuff.

I enjoyed this one. Nice and lean.

I like this a lot. Totally get what you were putting across and the mounting bills gives us a clue to the state of play due to Jack's status.

Not a lot else to add, but good work.

Short and sweet.

Excellent portrayal of emotions from Cassie.

If there's any positivity out of this for her... she doesn't have to pay the bills

Well done

Whew, brutal!
Would make a great Horror short and I'm sure you'll get requests for it.

Really grim. You could even expand on this, or it's effective as is.

Edit: Not really anything of Halloween here.

Wow! That's a real sad and dark story! My favorite so far.

Be careful what you wish for, right? It's touching when a parent gives his life to save his child, but the opposite is just tragic. Excellent script IMO

A pretty good horror nugget. I don't get the Halloween aspect, but
it's a solid fright story on its own, ready for filming.  One thought
crossed my mind as Cassie is in her bedroom.
If I were her, I would have closed the door to her late father's room.
Seriously. I'm that way. I might even lock the door, if that's possible.

Once Jack is back and approaching, I don't see Cassie. I'm not getting
a sense of where she is in the bedroom, nor her terror and confusion before
he attacks. Jack just grabs her by the ears and sucks away.
Anyway, good stuff and should draw flies.

This can best be described as, "Hits the ball, runs to first. Base hit."

No nonsense. The story was set quickly and efficiently. The suspense built and the ending slammed me like a rock.

Well done.

Some people have a hard time letting go of loved ones, especially parents. And even work with the funeral director’s makeup stylist up to the day of the funeral. I’ve heard them say how much they wish they could join them in the hereafter. Is that the reason she kept his door open at the end?

Apart from the lack of any connection to Halloween I really liked this.

Writing is minimal and effective, would like to see this filmed one day.

Ahoy Holly Waits - some thoughts from the Twilight Zone.  You cut it short and succinct for more punch. And this landed for me. Nice, should be easy to film. That aside, sadly, no Halloween.   But yea, I still liked it. Good job. Best of Irish luck! -A

Quick and swift and definitely ended with a twist. Unfortunately, there’s no Halloween theme. Cassie could have simply said:

“Please. I don't want to stay here with the body. Not on Halloween night! Please!”

Or… y’know. Other than that, a well-knit little tale of woe. Best of luck.

Yikes!  For only 2 pages - that packs a wallop!  The creepiness factor is in overdrive here and I actually really liked it - one of my favs, actually.  The only thing that might be added is the next to the last line Jack just states "Anything".  The meaning became clear when I went back and read where the daughter states she'd give "anything" if he could stay, but the two references were far apart in the script, so I was a little confused at first. Maybe tie the two in a little closer?  Just a small nit.  Very, very nice - the only missing element was Halloween, but I still like this one a lot.  Good job, writer.

Nice quick story that packed a lot in those two pages.  I agree with others that the matter of her bills and financial situation doesn't really play a role in the story, other to show what a shit show her life has become. Definitely one of the more shocking endings in all the scripts I read.  No Halloween, but anyone looking to film this won't care.  Easily filmed on a tiny budget.

Good job here, writer.

Writer,

I do like this one. You have a really good sense of place, grief and tension with your writing. Well done. Not being able to get the body out of the house was especially creepy, though I’m not quite sure why it ended the way it did. A bit more clarification could have explained some of that, and I wish you did, as this one, imo, deserves to be fleshed out a little. Good job!

Steve