Definitely some impressive work here.

Most inventive and best use of a prop I've seen. Vital to the story.  A plot element, in fact. Homemaker and Auto Body shop have a lot of variety but ketchup was daunting, until you make the connection that ketchup could = blood and then it has a lot of utility. Not sure I would have gotten there in my own mind, so kudos to you.

I think the theme is satisfied because it's the antithesis, as Sean has allowed us to explore. Steve just wants to save his own neck, so no thickness here at all.

And the theme is once again satisfied with him wanting to protect Stella, and yes, I think that tiny bit on the nose line of "she's my blood" is necessary, if only to show that there are things that this otherwise POS values. And yes, she's related to him by blood, and his wife is not.

And I saw a comment earlier about the gun - I think it's completely plausible that Leslie could know that Steve hides a gun in a toolbox. Not everything needs to be sledgehammered home to the reader.

So here's where I'll get booed, and it won't really matter in the end anyway because this is a cut above and I'm sure mostly everyone has voted already.

I found the actions and motivations of Victor completely unrealistic.  He says he's going to take his daughter, which means he's a vicious human being, and then he allows Steve to bargain. Now the bargain where Steve can trade his own life for his daughter's is plausible, but to allow him to give up his wife? At that moment, any ruthless drug dealer would know that he's not getting the "proper motivation" if his customer is so willing to become a widow. And of course the plot turns on Victor's decision.

Steve's reaction to seeing his daughter supposedly dead is also a little underwhelming here, however that could have been a casualty of page count.

Anyway, great job, very well written, and inventive use of the prop.

AJR

Optioned.

Congrats, PK.
Great script... And use of ketchup.  

Congrats Paul!

One of my favorites from that WT! Good luck, Paul

Congrats, mate. Love to hear it.

Sweet! Best of luck with the production!

Thanks, everybody.

This short was nearly optioned three times previously, but COVID really made things difficult.

I'm excited about the director. She's new to the game, but her first short was really well done. And, she's been great to deal with so far.

The plan is to have this shot by the end of the year, but who knows in these weird times.

I'll keep everybody posted!

Paul, congrats you devil.  Keep churning out the good stuff.  Something big is going to happen for you, I know.

Quick update: LINES was filmed and is currently in post production.

Sweet! Looking forward to seeing the finished product.

Quoted from Zack Sweet! Looking forward to seeing the finished product.

Pre production was a great experience, so I'm very hopeful this turns out well.

Quoted from PKCardinal Quick update: LINES was filmed and is currently in post production.

Awesome news, looking forward to seeing it.

Congrats, PK!
And what Warren said.

LINES makes its official premiere at the Virtual UCLAx Film Festival in a couple of weeks.

For those that enjoy festivals, this one is entirely online. You can get tickets at the following link, as well as watch a trailer for the festival. (There are several shots from LINES in the trailer, though you won't know which they are!)

Also, you'll have the opportunity to vote for LINES for the Audience Choice Award! (Should we earn your vote. Which I hope we will.)

Sept. 9-12 - VIRTUAL UCLAx Film Festival: https://watch.eventive.org/uclaxfilmfest2022/play/62cdd04742a0f0003673adce.

Tickets are free.