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Feedback (currently 1414 views) |
Don |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 12:17pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16458 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Feedback by Frank MacCrory - Short, Comedy - A screenwriter tries to explain why he is so frustrated with the feedback his script received. 1 page - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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IamGlenn |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 1:55pm |
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January Project Group :)
LocationDublin, Ireland, Europe, The World. Posts692 Posts Per Day 0.19 |
In the very first action block there's an orphan. Not good. |
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ajr |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 3:24pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1482 Posts Per Day 0.28 |
There's an orphan in every line. That's the point of the script. |
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Reply: 2 - 14 |
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Zack |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 3:28pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4504 Posts Per Day 0.68 |
Clever. Zack |
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Reply: 3 - 14 |
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 3:46pm |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.87 |
Terrible, not a single Wrylie.
There's an orphan in every line. That's the point of the script. |
I think Glenn was being sarcastic |
| Feature
42.2
Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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Reply: 4 - 14 |
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IamGlenn |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 4:00pm |
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January Project Group :)
LocationDublin, Ireland, Europe, The World. Posts692 Posts Per Day 0.19 |
Sorry, ajr. Sarcasm is tough to get through online. |
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Reply: 5 - 14 |
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Pleb |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 5:04pm |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
is this a rewrite of the script that was up recently? |
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Reply: 6 - 14 |
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FrankM |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 11:21pm |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
In the very first action block there's an orphan. Not good. |
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Reply: 7 - 14 |
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FrankM |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 11:24pm |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
is this a rewrite of the script that was up recently? |
This is basically the same one that I put up in the WIP section. I had formatted the OP the way Don formats official script threads, mostly because the idea popped into my head while submissions were closed for the OWC. |
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Reply: 8 - 14 |
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FrankM |
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 11:25pm |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
Sorry, ajr. Sarcasm is tough to get through online. |
Next time your dialogue isn't clear from the context, you can always use a wrylie |
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bert |
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 7:47am |
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AdministratorBuy the ticket, take the ride
LocationThat's me in the corner Posts4233 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
This is kind of funny and kind of pointless at the same time.
Problem is, for a script, the joke only works in scripted form.
It's totally inside baseball, with nothing here to film. |
| Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb! |
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FrankM |
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 12:15pm |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
This is kind of funny and kind of pointless at the same time.
Problem is, for a script, the joke only works in scripted form.
It's totally inside baseball, with nothing here to film. |
This is true, it's akin to using goofy variable names and comments inside a computer program. There is something to film, but the main point would be completely lost in that format. The best thing that could possibly happen to this script would be becoming a gag in a book on writing, but even without that, I thought the SS community would get a kick out of it. |
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bert |
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 1:05pm |
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AdministratorBuy the ticket, take the ride
LocationThat's me in the corner Posts4233 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
...I thought the SS community would get a kick out of it. |
You may or may not be amused to find out that orphans have been kicking around these boards for a while -- in fact, they are nearly adults now, I suppose. From 2006! |
| Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb! |
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FrankM |
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 3:10pm |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
You may or may not be amused to find out that orphans have been kicking around these boards for a while -- in fact, they are nearly adults now, I suppose. From 2006! |
2006? Not quite adults, but old enough to try to fake it... https://youtu.be/j7bxmgAnLG4 |
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Kirsten |
Posted: February 24th, 2019, 7:28am |
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January Project Group Giving up is not an option....
LocationKiwi in Ohio Posts373 Posts Per Day 0.13 |
Hahahaha, very cute. |
| "Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....
'What we do in the Shadows.' |
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Reply: 14 - 14 |
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