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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Fuck Off, Aliens - OWC
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  Author    Fuck Off, Aliens - OWC  (currently 1080 views)
RolandJ
Posted: April 11th, 2023, 6:33am Report to Moderator
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This is straight out of Tim Burton's 1996 film MARS ATTACKS. Writer may I Suggest you tweak this into a comedy, give it more length, and presto we'll be sitting in post pandemic theater seats instead of watching on a streaming platform.
It really is very funny. If in fact SPOOK pushed Leina into the interrogation room thinking she had all the power, she either had it but didn't use it...OR, she didn't have the power.
SPOOK was really the more interesting character...which made me think he might have had the power from the get go. Maybe not. Just an interesting character like the alien. Poor fellow was just a custodian like Leina.
Lots of comedic lines made me think I didn't want to see the world destroyed. Had that happened, we would have lost both ALIEN and Leina.
Good job writer;. Be sure to enter the next OWC. I need more laughs.
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SAC
Posted: April 11th, 2023, 7:46am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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I think this is why I didn’t put too many parameters in, and I actually killed one.

“So… What are you going to do?”

Whether intentional or not, I think that line kinda leaves it open for our protagonist to succeed, fail or otherwise.

So, based on what I’ve read in the comments only, this writer is all good here.


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PKCardinal
Posted: April 11th, 2023, 10:30am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from castguy


So what about, "...and you must stop it with your newfound power."? That sounds like someone must stop the world from ending with a superpower.


Good point.

My take though, is that these challenges are less legalistic in their interpretation of parameters, and more about how you can bend them creatively. To me, that's part of what makes them fun. How can you "meet" the parameters while stretching them to their limits?

Anyway, everyone gets to decide for themselves. So, if you decide different, vote accordingly. That's also what makes it fun!


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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PKCardinal
Posted: April 11th, 2023, 10:31am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC


PK, you do get to vote if you read and review a fair few.


Thanks, LC. I've read a handful, but not sure if I'll get to enough by the end of the week. If I do, I'll request a ballot!


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: April 11th, 2023, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from castguy


So what about, "...and you must stop it with your newfound power."? That sounds like someone must stop the world from ending with a superpower.


My wife tells me I must take out the bins, doesn't mean I do it in time.

I have just finished reading "Still Life" and the superpower fails to save the world in that one too, but I didn't see anyone complain about it in that thread.

Hi writer

I am in love with that title page!! I wish more people moved away from the "normal"

The bringing back of the paper is easily missed as it plays no other role in the story. It would be nice if this piece of paper was integrated into the storyline somehow, as it is a comedy he could have dropped anything really, paper seemed a bit bland, maybe he could have dropped part of this torture device he mentioned?  (Which also never materialized)

Quick read, looks simple to film, story had me engaged to the end. Not much more to add really.

Best of luck


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it

Revision History (1 edits)
Matthew Taylor  -  April 11th, 2023, 11:28am
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CoastalMainer
Posted: April 12th, 2023, 8:56am Report to Moderator
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I found this to be well formatted and some funny dialogue. I do think that the parameters were skirted a bit, the piece of paper that fell out of the Spook's folder, but never mention of Leina returning it, plus the Alien is the one who gives her the power to speak his language, so...

But then again, perhaps they already spoke the international language from the island of, Janitore.

Some funny stuff. Wonder how things worked out for Bob?


Picking up hookers
instead of my pen
I let the words of my youth
fade away.

"My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys," Sharon Vaughn
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RolandJ
Posted: April 12th, 2023, 4:30pm Report to Moderator
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I think SPOOK had the power as he was concerned about LIENA being placed in the interrogation room so she could talk the ALIEN out of destroying the earth. Then again, when spook was concerned with the language, she tells him they're not speaking English, but technospeak so she can understand his language. This reminds me of a 1980's film ENEMY MINE where two protagnist are on a planet and talk to themselves because they can't understand each other, so they make up a common language they both can understand.
Funniest line for me was at the end when the Alien asks Liena why would she think the Alien would listen to him since he was just a janitor.
Good submission though with an interesting premise. Could be easily filmed as talking heads so the visuals can be manipulated a bit.
Enjoyed the read.
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ColinS
Posted: April 13th, 2023, 10:36am Report to Moderator
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Keep Believing!

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Hi writer

Funny set up and some nice and tidy writing on display so an absolute breeze to read.

I very much enjoyed Leina's character, it kinda feels like the 'saving the planet' task is a bit of a hindrance to her and she would rather crack on with the more important job of mopping the floor lol.

Now it seems that Leina's superpower is to translate alien language into English for both her and the viewer. I think onscreen this might be a little confusing and just look like the alien speaks English and would therefore make the superpower redundant. I just wonder whether it should be subtitled?

Anyway the above is no deal breaker, this was a fun and entertaining piece of work, well done, good luck.


"Some Day I'll Be Saturday Night..."
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Rob
Posted: April 13th, 2023, 11:46am Report to Moderator
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What a great Hanson reference. Great payoff with the custodian reference. Maybe there are some lines that can be trimmed with the agent, but a fun read overall.
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: April 15th, 2023, 8:59am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from PKCardinal
No dog in the fight here, as I wasn't brave enough to accept the OWC... but,

1. Attempting to return the paper is the good deed.

2. Getting the ability to speak alien is the superpower.

3. The third parameter doesn't say they have to be successful. Just says they use the superpower to try and save the world: “What if?” After you’ve done your good deed and received your chosen superpower, this day, of all days, just happens to be the day the world is going to end. A disaster of cataclysmic magnitude is hours, maybe minutes, away, and you’re literally the only one who can stop it, and you must stop it with your newfound power. So…What are you going to do?

Like I said, I don't have a script in the challenge, but I thought if I were the writer of this, I'd be going crazy reading the comments right now. So, whoever the writer is... I'm here to fight the good fight for you.

All that said...

I enjoyed this one. Favorite so far. (Not that I get a vote.)



I could’ve kissed you when I read this  


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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PKCardinal
Posted: April 15th, 2023, 11:40am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Matthew Taylor



I could’ve kissed you when I read this  


Ha! That's awesome.

I've been on the other side of this, so I just had to jump in. Sometimes it feels like the comments get a momentum to them, good and bad. Just wanted yours to be judged for what I felt was in there.

Hope this gets made! Wouldn't be too difficult.


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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LC
Posted: April 18th, 2023, 8:10am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from PKCardinal
...
I've been on the other side of this, so I just had to jump in. Sometimes it feels like the comments get a momentum to them, good and bad. Just wanted yours to be judged for what I felt was in there.
Hope this gets made! Wouldn't be too difficult.

I second that!
I think a few of us have been on the end of the tide turning with comments.
No secret this was a favourite of mine too so I wanted to comment before it got lost.
Matt, despite your character description, specifically Leina being the size of a house,  I pictured Sally Hawkins in the role the whole way - something of the quirkiness of her in The Shape of Water came instantly to mind, except Aliens not Amphibians.

All the best with this.


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