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Snooker Patrol (currently 305 views)
Don
Posted: October 15th, 2023, 2:55pm
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So, what are you writing?
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Snooker Patrol by John Stone - Short, Comedy, Tragic Comedy - Snooker cops tally up their scores, during an unusual night shift. 8 pages - pdf format
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Don revised draft
GregT
Posted: October 16th, 2023, 6:33am
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Nice little twist. The dialogue was good. I don't have much to critique. The only thing I'd ask is why didn't either Tudor or Nathan recognise the reg plate of the Porsche, which I presume belonged to one of their own sons? Also, on page 6 you refer to 'Neil' parking the car, when I'm guessing you meant Nathan.
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Stoneyscripts
Posted: October 16th, 2023, 9:10am
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Hi and thanks for your comments. They stole the Porsche which I have expanded upon in a revised version which hasn’t been uploaded yet. It is a short so yeah. I have also corrected that little character typo. Cheers Greg.
My ScreenplaysTwo Moons
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LC
Posted: October 16th, 2023, 5:26pm
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Very nicely done, John. Great banter. I actually gasped at the final twist - did not see it coming.
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Stoneyscripts
Posted: October 17th, 2023, 6:40am
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Thanks Libby. I have updated this script but Don hasn’t uploaded it yet. The 2nd draft is more detailed but plot is the same.
My ScreenplaysTwo Moons
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