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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  Tea Next Tuesday
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  Author    Tea Next Tuesday  (currently 330 views)
Don
Posted: January 3rd, 2024, 6:25pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Tea Next Tuesday by Chuck Conaway - Short, Dramedy - Boss visits employee recovering from surgery, meets his wife and something happens. 3 pages

Production: Short script. Mountain house location. All day-time scenes, four roles; two females, two males (one male has no dialogue).

For production consideration - No comments required


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  January 14th, 2024, 1:03pm
revised draft
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D.A.Banaszak
Posted: January 8th, 2024, 6:50pm Report to Moderator
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This had an interesting twist. I don't want to give it away but when you placed the folks behind the wall, I wondered, "Wouldn't it be funny if..."  I was delighted with the ending. I felt like you knew what I was thinking and indulged my humor.

Very clever. I love endings that leave me to imagine and decide what happens next. In this case, it's pretty clear and I don't need to be told.

Also, I like your character descriptions. With very few words, you paint a clear picture of each of them. I can really see them as they enter the story. It's something I need to work on.


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LC
Posted: January 9th, 2024, 1:18am Report to Moderator
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Hmm, this was not quite as effective for me, cause the ending is essentially a visual punchline, after what came across to me as quite the buildup.

An inconsistency with the two-months/six weeks lines too.


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