I Will Always Love You by Songbird - Across four decades, a devoted nurse secretly pines for a brilliant but emotionally distant doctor.  Short, Romance

Ahoy Songbird - Aww, such a sweet & cute little story. Great choice for a song. Luv me some Whitney. Um, I'm debating whether the last few lines are actually needed. I mean you do a good job of showing us this. I dunno, a trivial thought perhaps. Still I luv what you did here. So yea, I liked it very much. Best of Irish luck! _ghostie gal

Just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore if you want.

More direct conflict could have been added via Dr King leading Sallee on a bit getting her hopes up, maybe a date, then turning up with one of his many new wives.

Perhaps condense a paragraph like this (below) too. I don't always strictly adhere to the maxim of four lines per para for screenwriting but this could easily be done here.

For casting, how many Nurses actually are there? Budget might dictate you stick with Sallee and Angela. Or start with four to achieve the excited whisper of conversation and have two leave.

Several young NURSES, attired in the uniform of the day -
starched whites are going about morning office chores. There
is a whisper of conversation and tittering among them.
Something important seems to be afoot. One of the Nurses
stands out, petite, blonde, vivacious, this is SALLEE WEST
(20s). Her co-worker, ANGELA BROWN (30s) works nearby.

The last line in that para is a probably a new shot so should be on a different line.

Also, Sallee seems shy and reserved, contrary to her vivacious description.

Kudos for packing a full story into five pages.
I have to say the good Doctor pissed me off royally by the end.  
There's a valuable lesson to be learned about life here.

Hi writer

Nicely written and great structure telling a decades long story in 5 pages.

I must admit though that I found it a little dull, there wasn’t much pulling me in or keeping me engaged.
I think I should have found this sweet but it was all a bit tragic, the Dr didn’t deserve her love and she seems to have wasted life. Maybe tragic is what you were going for.

Her dialogue at the end is unnecessary.

All the best

Another real tear jerker entry.  I agree with Matthew above, it's a tragic tale.  You have to wonder why she didn't just kick him to the curb years before and salvage her life.  But then, as she stated, "she lived her life as she chose".  It would have been beneficial to the overall story to include more character development (were there solid reasons she chose to hang on, etc?) but understandably difficult in a short 5 pages to encompass 40 years.  

As everyone knows, I'm a sucker for a good romance story - even the sad ones and also know a thing or two about doctors, professionally (and being married to one of the cads LOL) so it doesn't strike me as unlikely that this was indeed inspired by a true story - I've known of worse  

Another thought-provoking OWC entry.  Thanks for the tears, writer.

Kathy

I know you only have 5 pages to work with...but, poor Sallee is so one-dimensional. By the end, I was supposed to feel bad for her, or admire her, or something better...but, I just felt like I wanted to shake her and beg her to move on.

Of course, part of the reason for that reaction is that the good doctor is also one-dimensional. He's good-looking. And...well, he's good-looking.

So, yes...tragic, not romantic.

Again...this is probably the result of the page limit. You had quite a few decades to cover and not many pages to cover them. I'll watch for a rewrite to post on the site, see how you cover the story without the handcuffs.

Good job telling a decades-long story in only 5 pages. But, I think I'll need the 10-page version to truly feel what I think you want me to.

Best,
Paul

A whole script Montage, and it totally works.  Sucked me in completely.  In Werewolves of London, Warren Zevon wrote, "He'll rip your lungs out, Jim.  In this story, he'd sing, "It'll rip your heart out, Jim."

Two scripts in a row now, doing serious emotional damage to me.  Going to take a break until tonight.  Then I'll read some more.

Very boring - sorry. The montage thing cuts like video. Not for me. I think this pure fantasy and a bit like James Bond's Moneypenny thingymigid, where she loves the pants off him but never quite catches his gaze.

Happened to see some of the previous comments, and I do agree after reading this, that Sallee just seemed like an onlooker and nit much of a character herself as the story progressed. If she has more of a life of her own (married, kids) but still held onto these feeling maybe it would have felt more real. But good use of song title.

I like the idea behind this but struggled with the logistics of them never working anywhere else or with anyone else, felt a little too easy and I'm afraid a little cold for me.

But the writing flowed well and getting the shifting decades into 5 pages was good work.

Where is my tissue box?
Well written, but must agree with a few previous comments that it would have heightened the story if Sallee had been more reactionary -- maybe had a showdown with the good (bad) doctor and set him straight about always using her without respect -- and then circling back at the end for his mea culpa and her forgiving him.
Love always dies hard.
Consider a tweak here and a tweak there.
Thanks for posting this!

A lot of story crammed into 5 pages.
It's been mentioned, but the weakness of the story is
in the characters. Sallee is flat because not much is
going on in her life. But you can remedy that.

The doctor is a cad. He disgusts me because if he
realizes at the end that Sallee was the love of his
life, he did nothing to make it happen.
Menhwhile, he's wasting no time hustling other women.

As is, you can play this one over the top.
Maybe the doc has a new wife every 10 years.
And a lot of Nurses in their 20s.
I would have loved for Sallee to say at the end,
"you've been a wonderful father figure to me."
Or maybe Doc says, "you've always been the little
sister I never had."
I would have loved to see the range of emotions
across her face.
Just something to jump start the action, or the ending.

But if you want to seriously do something with this
then make it story of missed opportunites. Sallee moves
on with her life (and marries) and when the doctor is between
marriages, she begrudgingly won't break her vows.
If you do this see-saw effect, it will at least create some
mystery to when, or if, they will ever get together.
There is another story in the OWC about a dance between
couples, and I was thinking a dance could also work here.
Such as a masquerade event at the hospital for doctors and
staff. Then Dr. King and Sallee could have one dance so we can
see the sparks. Or no sparks, and Sallee realizes she has been
wasting her time.
If you want to do the minimum, I say that Dr. King and Sallee have
a past and that is why she hangs on. Maybe he is her school chum's
older brother, the one she had a crush on since her teen days.
Something like that. Give her a reason to not give up on him.
Cuz, honestly, Dr. King is a joker in my book.
Best of luck.

My thoughts are similar to a lot of the others on here. You make this about the Doctor and how he doesn’t see what’s in front of him, but then he reveals he only thought of Sallee as a sister.  So a wasted 40 years for her.  I had a hard time feeling sympathy for her if she never spoke up or expressed her feelings at some point.  

This was well-written, but I think would work in a much longer form where we can explore both their lives in more details so they are fully fleshed out characters, rather than charicatures. Give Sallee some relationships so we feel empathy for her when they don’t work out.  Maybe the doctor isn’t the cad he’s shown to be, but that he’s just had unfortunate situations - the 2nd wife dies, the third cheats on him, etc.

Best of luck with this.

I really liked reading this. It's hard not to be caught up in Sallee's longing for the doctor. I think we all have been in situations like this to some degree--a romantic interest that never materializes. I'm glad romance never blossomed because it makes for a better story.

One more thing: I really liked this line--"They don't hurt the man either."

I liked it. Felt very Hallmark channel-ish which isn't something I'd ordinarily go for but this worked for me. Decently written, understated, and a nice change from the others I've read so far.

Dialogue was pretty decent too I thought. Sure, there's one or two lines felt like they are there just to serve an obvious function but given the limited page count I think that's fine.

Good job!